Thursday, April 19, 2007

And Suddenly The Past Caught Me Unawares

It could be the Psychiatric attachment. Or it could be just waiting for the right time to resurface. Before I knew it, I was experiencing some angst related to the past, lying dormant all this while, keeping a low profile of its existence. It was never dealt with in the past because I didn't see it there. I couldn't. Or maybe I just wouldn't.

So much anger and resentment. And yet so much guilt as well. Because I knew that what happened in the past could not be changed, that no one is to be blamed. That we - I - was coping the way I knew best then. That should just accept it as a part of life, and learn. And not repeat the same mistakes.

I want to heal and move on. But judging from past experience, I know it's gonna take a while.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Wanted: A Teacher

I miss having a sifu to push me to reach my full potential. Here, a consultant cannot do such things as it will be deemed as 'playing favourites' and unprofessional. How sad.

I suppose I'll have to push myself, as I always have. But it was so good to have someone to guide and prod to fulfill that potential within myself. To know that I'm on the right track. Or not. To not waste the potential that I have.

Nothing comes for free. I'll have to work for it. But you know what? Call me crazy or deprived, but I find comfort in working.

'Cause of all the things I've experienced so far in life, work is work. It is stable and dependable. It is a constant. It should not be made as the ultimate goal in life... but when things seem a little bit unstable, I know I could depend on work to realign my focus.

But I still miss having a teacher.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

In Another Person's Words

A quite accurate description of what I'm feeling now... emo problemo... SIGH.

ME by Paula Cole

I am not the person who is singing
I am the silent one inside
I am not the one who laughs at people's jokes I just pacify their egos
I am not my house, my car, my songs
They are only just stops along my way
I am like the winter
I'm a dark cold female
With a golden ring of wisdom in my cave


And it is me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythmn
I am carrying my prayers
But you can't kill my spirit
It's soaring and it's strong
Like a mountain
I'll go on and on
But when my wings are folded
The brightly colored moth
Blends into the dirt into the ground


And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing i love
And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing i love
That I love

I am walking on the bridge
I am over the water
And I'm scared as hell
But I know there's something better
Yes I know there's something better
Yes I know, yes i know, yes i know

That I love
But it's me
And it's me
But it's me

Monday, April 09, 2007

From Munchen With Love

Basically, this is a vainpot/showoff blogpost... hehehe... enjoy the pics! There are 2 sesat pictures which aren't taken in Munich... but so what! :P

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We heart Lee Chong Han! (thanks to 33 for the pic)

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Happy Birthday, Chong Han! *giggle* (thanks 33 for the pic)

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In front of the Monopteros in Englischer Garten (if you look close enough the seniors are in the Monopteros :p )

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Strolling in Olympiapark

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Random lake in Olympiapark

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Gorgeous view of the sunset from the Monopteros

Okay, don't puke! No more self-love pics from me.. for now! Muahahahahaha.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

6 Weird Things About Me

Ah, I've been tagged by Mr Lau Choon Seng and thus I shalt respond... although, why I would want to deliberately share my quirks with the rest of the world is still uncertain... but I suppose it makes a fun read! :p

1. I find housework therapeutic and stress-relieving. Weird but true. As exam approaches, the frequency of house-cleaning increases. I just can't stand the sight of dust and hair on the floor when I'm studying. Plus, there is something comforting about repetitive movements. Sweeping, mopping, washing dishes, ironing... but don't get any ideas. I do it for ME to clean MY place. I won't do it for your place because I'm not your maid. :p

2. I love giving advice to the television. I get so involved watching the telly. If a character does something stupid, I'll go "Why lah!?!?!" to the telly even though I know it's useless. I give mini commentaries to myself about the issues on tv on whatever that's going on because there's no one there to listen to my intellectual opinions. Unless I know that someone else is watching the programme as well... and then I'll text them my intellectual opinions. :p

3. I run like a duck. All you gotta do is just observe. :p

4. I could sleep anywhere, anytime. Be it in front of a CNY performance in Midvalley Megamall or a beautiful European church, you could find me catching a snooze. I guess when the brain is tired, it just gotta sleep. YAWN!

5. I have a soundtrack playing in my head for different situations all the time. Maybe I watch too much telly. But my brain is always playing a song. Even when I'm studying, I've got my music on the laptop. I've got so many songs with different meanings to them, each signifying different periods in my life, making me smile or go pensive. And since knowing about the concept of 'Theme Song' (from Ally McBeal), I've always select a song for myself to be my 'theme' for a period of time. Now it's 'Me' by Paula Cole. Awesome song.

6. I cannot resist playing with a cute soft toy. I just gotta squish them or give them a cuddle, or at least touch its soft fur. It's a reflex. Cute soft toy = must play. Doesn't matter if I'm in a store or it belongs to someone else- I'd adopt it for a short while. :p

Okay, that's done. I tag... KenJ, Adlina, Grace, Collin, Sheena and Deandra! Ciao.