Friday, June 10, 2005

Reality Check

What is real and what is not... sometimes I get confused. No, I'm not a schizophrenic. But I feel like one though, occasionally.

The truth is based on the person's perception. So if I pretend very hard that something does not exist, does it make it non-existent? Or vice versa. But it's still (not) there, isn't it?

The mind tends to play tricks on us. A part of the human defense mechanism. When something hurts so bad, subconsciously and automatically, we'd try to cushion the blow by telling ourselves encouraging words and subtly changing scenarios in our heads. Words and actions that would soothe our dented pride and ego. That's all well and fine at the beginning but what becomes when you get carried away and continue to live in denial and the suppression of a memory? That's not real, is it? Living in pretenses, in a lie...

I watched Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind (starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet; written by Charlie Kaufman) the other night (it's a bloody brilliant movie, btw.) To quote the Astro guide, it is a movie about "break-ups, breakdowns and breakthroughs." The plot was basically about erasing painful memories to enable the clients to move on with their lives. The illusion of a painless life. But once the truth is out, it's crash landing and back to square one, innit? The movie is much more than that but I shan't spoil it for you all. Go watch it. ;)

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So, again... what is the truth? How does a person get back to living in reality when he/she isn't sure what reality is? Such doubts could really drive one crazy if one really thinks about it. I want to see the light. I want to deal with the truth. Wait. Am I not doing that already? Or maybe I think I'm doing that already but actually I'm not? Or maybe we are all living in The Matrix… :P God, I'm so confused.

"Be grateful for your scars, Will, for our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real." – Hannibal Lecter, Red Dragon

That's food for thought.

The Rabbit-Hole Beckoned... For The Last Time

It was the ultimate KKB experience. Ultimate because:
a) it was the last one.
b) it was the most memorable one among the three.

It's amazing how a simple red ball could make a dreary trip to the Rabbit-Hole something enjoyable and fun. But it wasn't really just the red ball, but rather the people it brought together. It really doesn't matter where you go, but it's the company you keep that determines the amount of fun you experience.

There is NOTHING at the Rabbit-Hole. That's why I call it the Rabbit-Hole. I was lucky that my group overlaps with other groups consisting of my fellow footie kakis. When Karen first suggested training (for MAPCU) in KKB, I was thinking murderous thoughts because it meant packing extra clothes and shoes AND giving up my evening naps which were staple to me during the previous two trips there. Everything changed when the ball made contact with my right foot on the field. Kicking the ball, running around getting sweaty and laughing a lot with people I like really turned things around. After getting all hot and sweaty, taking a cold shower was really refreshing and it was nice having dinner feeling all freshened up.

The first two evenings were spent with Karen, Foxxy, S Ning and other footie playing chicks from Group B. Jeremy and Ken J gave us some training and S Ning is now the Header Queen. ;) On Wednesday evening, there was no footie 'cos the Group B people went home and there weren't enough people to play. Tried to improve my non-existent stamina by going jogging... ended up pancit. :P Jackie, Yi Wei, Rabbito and co came down on Thursday evening and my, I played the funniest game of football ever! Well, for one thing, goodness knows what happened, but I just couldn't receive the ball at all! I couldn't stop the ball coming from the air, I couldn't stop the ball rolling on the ground... heck, I couldn't even kick the ball properly! So there I was being Captain Cartoon. I really couldn't stop laughing at myself. :P And then there was Yi Wei with her funny sound effects and Daniel’s kecoh-ness… I never laughed so hard before. :D

My last night was spent with the gals- boozing and yakking 'til the wee hours of the morning.

Friendship, camaraderie and football - what better way to enjoy the KKB experience? :)