Monday, August 28, 2006

Saying Goodbye

My favourite scene from 'The O. C.' season 1 would be when Seth Cohen said goodbye to Anna. Seth was this lonely boy in Newport, who had no friends until Ryan and Anna came along. Ryan was the delinquent from Chino whom his lawyer dad decided to adopt. Anna was a new girl from Pittsburgh. Seth and Anna had loads in common and they even got together as a romantic couple. Unfortunately, it didn't last 'cos Seth was actually in love with Summer (which is another story). Anyway, Anna missed Pittsburgh a lot, and she never felt like she belonged in Newport, so she decided to go home.

That episode was quite dramatic (as like all OC episodes are). Anna's decision to leave was quite sudden and she kept Seth in the dark until quite late. She also couldn't bear to say goodbye to him face to face, so she wrote him a letter and got Ryan to pass it to her. The letter got smudged (Ryan fell into the swimming pool... ANOTHER long story) and Seth couldn't really make out what was written at some parts. And so he rushes off to the airport...

He arrives at the airport. Nada Surf's 'If You Leave' starts playing in the background. Seth cranes his neck, frantically searching for Anna among the crowd. She was at the boarding gate already, when suddenly she hears her name being called -- "ANNA!"

Seth pleaded for her not to go. But she said she had to leave, she missed Pittsburgh too much. Seth was brokenhearted. Anna was one of the few people who really knew him. What am I gonna do without you, he asked. And a tearful Anna told him what she always had when she first got to know him:

"Confidence, Cohen."

And then she left.

I'll be leaving very soon. And much as I am excited about this new chapter of my life, I am also experiencing other emotions.

I feel sad that I had to leave my home, a place filled with so much memories. It's funny how I used to harbour this particular dream of studying in the UK in my bedroom for so long, and now it is actually coming true. I am also going to miss watching a precious little girl grow up as well. Sigh.

And being a typical Malaysian and my love affair with Malaysian food, I am definitely going to miss my mother's cooking, of course!, Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng (with extra sambal), Nasi Kandar Pelita, claypot chicken rice, Penang Char Kuey Teow (spicy), Roti Pisang with Chicken Curry, Sambal Prawn with Petai, Kangkung Belacan, Honey Sotong, and other yummy gastronomical delights.

Oh well. At least there is Nandos in the UK.

I am also feeling a bit of irrational fear. Fear that I would not succeed. Fear that I'll graduate as a rubbish doctor. I know, it's irrational. Haha! :P But it's there.

Yet, despite all these feelings, I know it is my time to go and experience my life the way I've always wanted to. To see the world, but most importantly to find out who I really am. Because this isn't just a medical education; it is also a journey of self-discovery.

And so I shall cast my trepidation aside, and tell myself, "Confidence, YK."

See you in a bit. ;)

Sunday, August 20, 2006


As I read my fellow bloggers' more emotion-filled and thoughtful entries, I could not help but feel a bit superficial as I read through my own post before this. Favourite reality television shows to watch as my brain oozes out of my ears. Nice. But not particularly deep. Hmmm.

I wanted to blog more often, but I found myself to be want of ideas. Believe it or not, I already have a special 'I'm-leaving-the-country' post half-written in my head already. But for the days in between, nothing.

It's not to say that I haven't been feeling anything. I don't think I've been reduced to being THAT dull after a period of self-imposed house arrest. I've been bored, yes. Yet somehow at the same time, I am also appreciating my time of solitude at home. I'm appreciating my pathetic routine because I know it's gonna be well over soon.

I just realised that I've been looking forward so much that I've forgotten to look around in the present.

So I think I'll do just that, until it is time for me to leave.