Fliegender Zirkus

Today Was Gonna Be The Day But They'll Never Throw It Back To You

2008-05-01T01:00:00.002+08:00

Today I provided comic relief by asking a really stupid, unthinking question to a patient.

I hate being stupid and incompetent. I have a helluva lot of catching up to do in Final Year. Especially if I want to survive as a doctor in Malaysia.

4th year has afforded me a lot of traveling opportunities, in which I'm grateful for. But it has reached it's natural end.

Time to buck up soon.

On a completely different note, I really miss New York. I really wanna go there again. :)

Just because

2008-04-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

I feel like blogging now. Just because.

4th year has been interesting so far. The research project has been educational, but I can't wait to finish it completely in May. My project has not been too bad. I would like to think that my academic writing has improved, that I've sharpened my critical appraisal skills, and that I've learned useful things outside the medical syllabus.

But, damn, I miss clinical medicine.

Our specialty postings are short and sweet. I realised that orthopaedics is quite fun and I actually enjoyed dermatology and GUM more than I thought I would. I found opthalmology and ENT a bit boring, though. I have not used my stethoscope since the beginning of 4th year. I'm glad for the GP postings actually, no matter how all of us complain about it. At least I get to practice some semblance of history taking, and the patient population of my GP was an eye-opener (it's situated at rehab central). I'm just waiting to do my one-week stint in Neurology...

I look at my rotations schedule for 5th year, and it makes me excited. 8 weeks in Medicine in a large hospital near London. Right after that is my SSU (another elective, basically) in which I intend to do another 4 weeks of Medicine somewhere in the UK.

5th year is the time to work... 5th year is the time to shine...

Our M2/03 buddies in Seremban are graduating in August this year... and Capt'n KenLin got a job with Johns Hopkins, WOO HOO!!!... how quickly time flies.

I've been very fortunate in my life. What I've set out to do, I've achieved so far. I feel very blessed, indeed, to be able to travel the world and experience life outside Malaysia. Malaysia is home, and I will definitely settle down in Malaysia in the future. But in the meantime, there's so much to see and so much to do in this world...

The Flatmate and I were discussing this: while we were stuck in Shah Alam doing our A-Levels, did we ever imagine our lives could be this good? Celebrating the New Year in beautiful Vienna, shopping in New York, going on a gondola ride in Venice over Easter...

What does the future hold for us?

I know that great things await. Not that I'm perasan or delusional. Okay, maybe a little bit. :P But I know within us, is a great potential waiting to be unleashed, waiting for the right moment to shine in all its glory.

Your Johns Hopkins success is an inspiration to us all, Mao! :D

We all will shine in our own ways, in our own time.

Enough of this meaningless rambling. Over and out.

Ou Est Home?

2007-09-14T20:17:00.000+08:00

Home is where the heart is. The trouble is, my heart is kinda confused. You see, though my family is here and my friends are here in Malaysia, I find myself looking forward to be back in Soton, which is unlike most of my other friends who are currently studying overseas. The noted exception would be Miss Adlina but she's no longer a student and she's a self-confessed Anglophile and willing whore to John Simm and David Tennant. But I get it - 'cos I love John Simm too, though not as much as she does. ;)

Back in Soton, I complain about the lack of American tv. And when I'm here, which channel do I watch most of the time? BBC Entertainment.

Yes, the heart is definitely confused.

But you know what? After weeks of questions mulling through my head, there is a sudden clarity. And it doesn't matter where I'm at. I may not know where home is yet, but I know who I am.

My new theme tune:

Real Girl by Mutya Buena
If I had one chance to
Live my life again
I wouldn't make no changes
Now or way back when (yeah)
And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes
But I cant wait to find out
What it is that God knows

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

And nothing's ever perfect
There's no guarantee
And if I knew the answers
It would put my mind at ease (no)
So I'll just keep on going
The way I've gone so far
And maybe I'll end up
Tryin' to catch a fallin star (yeah)

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

Baby this is who I am
Don't need you to understand
'Cause everything is right where it should be
It wont be long til you know about me,
'Cause I don't give a...
Even when I'm out of love
'Cause everythings just how it should be
And it wont be long till you know about me

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

I know exactly who I am

Bothered and Bewildered

2007-09-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

When something out of the blue happens, what do you do?

Do you embrace it whole heartedly and throw caution to the wind?

Or do you approach it carefully with a wary eye?

I used to do the former. But it didn't work out the way I hoped it would. It's now the latter.

Have I become so cynical to the point where I just don't feel anymore? Or am I just afraid to feel?

Anyhow, I need more to feel comfortable again. Because I'm tired of history repeating itself... several times.

Afterthought

2007-09-05T20:48:00.000+08:00

Of all the many things I could study in this world... why did I choose to do Medicine?

I used to be able to say with unwavering confidence that it is my calling. Now I'm not so sure.

I hope I'm just taking a break from Medicine, and only a break. I guess everybody has one of these days... right?

Break

2007-09-02T18:26:00.000+08:00

I've had plenty of holidays before in the past, but I've never truly taken a break. Sometimes, when the holidays are too long, I get what I coined myself as the 'Holiday Blues'. I'm halfway through my summer hols now, another 4 more weeks to go... and currently I've been experiencing this entire week what I dub as a break. No multiple different thoughts whizzing through my head like a flying circus, no restlessness within my soul. Just plain existentialism in my solitude. I feel as though I'm really taking a break from life right now, a break from Medicine and everything else. I'm floating about as an observer of my life, taking stock of all my life's experience, trying to make sense of them all as I try to find out who I was, and who I have become as I eat, sleep and attempt to re-read the entire Harry Potter series everyday.

It's weird, I must admit. This had never happened before. But it's been great. This holiday has proven to be a better respite than I've imagined it would be.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to float about in my little bubble again before it pops in my flight back to London due to cabin pressure.

The Patriot

2007-08-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

"A true Malaysian patriot loves Malaysia and all Malaysians." - PM of Malaysia, 2007

"Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more. Had you rather Caesar were living and die all slaves, than that Caesar were dead, to live all free men?" - William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Act III Scene 2 (Brutus)

Happy 50th Birthday, Malaysia. You're certainly getting older. But wiser?

Q & A

2007-08-23T10:02:00.000+08:00

I left Soton with hopes to find answers to some questions. 5 weeks have almost gone by, halfway through my holidays, and instead of finding the answers I was looking for, I am having more questions in my head than I ever had before. Particularly with regards to my future.

I thought certain issues were straightforward but it was not, I'm afraid. It's all a part of growing up, I suppose, making difficult decisions. But how am I supposed to draft out the next few years of my life when I don't even know what is going to happen next week, or even tomorrow? And certain issues in my life which I thought were unshakable are starting to raise doubts in my head. The voices are quiet now, but if I just let them be, I know they will continue to be louder and demand my attention.

Now is the time to reflect and find my own person. Now is the time for me to find out what I truly want/need.

Because I thought I knew what I wanted, but I'm not so sure anymore.

Life During Hols

2007-08-01T13:43:00.000+08:00

I wake up
I have my breakfast
And then I feel sleepy.
So I go to bed
Again

Such is
Life during hols.

***
Driving ain't so bad after all when I've got a kindly, patient old man as a teacher. I'm one to kan cheong easily, thus a patient, chilled out dude was what I needed as my driving instructor. And I realise that I'm enjoying my driving more and more everyday, as my confidence level increases slowly. Cool. :)

Remembering

2007-07-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

It's incredibly awesome how the very first episode of ER (Hallmark Channel) coincided with the first Monday I've been back. It was interesting seeing George Clooney with a different albeit thicker hairdo, but still as handsome as ever. :P And it was so cool to see Dr John Carter (Noah Wyle) as a 3rd Year Medical Student. In fact, after doing hospital attachments for a year, I could relate to his struggles and frustrations. True, my UK training is peanuts as compared to my North American peers. But I guess medical students all share universal tears and laughter despite diverse geographical locations. Take The Differential, for example. Also, it feels great to watch the management of acute patients in the show, and actually be familiar with it. I may not be slick yet, I still have a lot more to learn, but at least, I know a little bit now. Yeah, I'm a nerd. I used to watch House, MD to revise (before the cases got too exotic). :P

I first watched ER back in Form 3 (Season 3), to check out People Magazine's Sexiest Man, George Clooney. Soon, I was watching it religiously not just because of him, but due to its engaging plots and characters. And I must say, despite the accurate (and dramatised) portrayal of the downside of the medical profession in this show, Medicine fascinated me. Little did I know then, that this fascination would later translate into my calling two years later.

Ever since it has been revealed to me that Medicine is my calling, my faith that I would graduate as a doctor has never wavered despite not-so-good academic results from time to time. But it feels great to watch this favourite tv show and remember how it had influenced me to become a doctor. The doctors in the show are all of different personalities, and though they are fictional, their struggles with the demand that comes with the job struck a chord with me.

I suppose, I find ER therapeutic and reassuring, besides my obvious eye-candy. :P

Another favourite show on the telly which coincided with my homecoming is America's Next Top Model (Cycle 8). Fashion, bitchings and determination to win - how could I not love it? ;) Anyway, there was this contestant named Sarah, who honestly thought she was quite good when in actual case, she didn't do well in her photoshoot at all.

I soooo could relate to that. My OSCE result was disappointing. I expected more out of it. But I've accepted the fact I may not be as good as I thought I was, and I realised that I need to work harder in that department. But that's fine with me. Better to realise that fact now, than in my 5th year when I will soon be unleashed to the public.

And so, all is well.

I love television.

Turbulent

2007-07-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

My flight was delayed for 3 1/2 hours. The journey was filled with turbulence. But I'm finally home.

As the plane bumped up and down, left and right, the girl 2 seats away were crying. She got very scared. I must admit, I was getting a little bit nervous. But then I thought to myself, getting nervous and gripping the seat will not make the turbulence better. Why not just let go, and just ride it? I did... I just accepted it as a part of the ride, felt much better and before long, the plane settled down again.

I left Soton with hopes of finding peace. My heart is still turbulent, though. But turbulence is a part of life. I must be patient and wait for it to settle down.

And so I wait.

After All's Been Said & Done

2007-07-20T20:58:00.000+08:00

It's been 11 months we've been here in Southampton. I came here with many hopes and expectations... some were met, some not. At the end of this academic year, waiting to go home, it is time to reflect and ponder my life of this past 11 months. Yeah, I'm feeling emo. That's why I'm actually blogging now. :P

What is life without it's ups and downs? To savour the highs, one must embrace the lows. It has been a good mix of those this year. Not quite as dramatic as 2005, which I still remember fondly, but not quite dull either.

The Flatmate told me that we should accept our blessings as they come and not be greedy with them. How true. Many unexpected blessings crossed my path, and I am grateful for them.

I think I have grown here in England. Not quite dramatically like back in 2005, but life's little challenges I've experienced so far have definitely made me think. And preparing me into this upcoming phase in my life known as adulthood (I consider myself as a proper adult once I'm out working as a House Officer - now I'm still a Young Adult. ;P ) Older, stronger, more mature?... as I slowly experience life, one day at a time.

Everything happens for a reason. And whatever the reason is, it's for our own good. And I shall learn from life's lessons... and continue learning, no matter how bitter it is. To live in the now. Carpe diem.

"I've done my best, and I have no regrets." - William Hung

He sure can't sing and dance, but he sure is right.

And I am proud to say that I could say the same. I gave my best shot at life during this 11 month period. And I have no regrets.

"Hi, I'm YK and I'm a Fourth Year Medical Student."

Que Sara Sara?

2007-06-01T05:28:00.000+08:00

Hmm... did a medical specialty aptitude test online. And the results are pretty interesting... or not. ;) Try it out for yourself.

My top ten medical specialties I should seriously consider in the future (or so the test results say):

1	med oncology	46
2	hematology	44
3	dermatology	44
4	physical med & rehabilitation	44
5	urology	43
6	psychiatry	43
7	general internal med	43
8	radiation oncology	43
9	endocrinology	43
10	radiology	42

And my bottom five specialties, stuff I should not bother considering:

32	anesthesiology	36
33	thoracic surgery	36
34	nuclear med	35
35	pulmonology	34
36	cardiology	34

Well, I'm glad that General Medicine is in my top ten, but Urology in number 5? I haven't done Dermatology yet so I can't really comment... Haematology? Hmmm... I can't believe Orthopaedic Surgery ranked higher than Pulmonology and Cardiology. I can't believe ANY surgical specialty ranked higher than Cardiology.

And so, my conclusion is this test is crap.

However, the top ten does give a bit of food for thought...

Holiday Plans!

2007-05-26T03:15:00.000+08:00

Hello everybody... It's been a while since I last posted a cheerful and happy and mindless blogpost... The previous ones have been quite emo. Like Cloud in FFVII: Advent Children. Eheheheh. So what have I been up to lately? Hmmm, loadsa YouTube (too much) but to balance things up, loadsa studying too. But the momentum is still slowly picking up... I'll have to be patient and persevere. And one of the things that have helped me stay positive and sane is the prospect of going home for the summer hols! Woo hoo! I can't believe I've been here for almost a year already, and been to so many places in between... the world is lovely, but there's no place like home. ;) And so, here are my top 3 plans for the upcoming hols, categorised according to tv shows, hehe.

1. Jalan-jalan Cari Makan
Yeah, babeh. TGIF and Chili's are nice and all, but you could get them here in England. No big deal. Now, Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng, Nasi Kandar, Char Kuey Teow, Mee Tom Yam, claypot chicken rice, roti pisang, etc... that's what I call malaysian food. When I get back for the 3 months, I shall indulge myself with various mamak and kopitiam food. Yummmm. I also realise that I haven't explored KL properly before - so many hidden gems, in terms of culture and what else, FOOD, of course, to be discovered! I can't wait to explore KL with my eyes and stomach! :D

2. Y(e)an Can Cook!
It'll be nice to cook for my family with my newfound culinary skills... especially my dad. He was such a bloody skeptic about my would-be cooking skills before I left home, it was insulting! Wait and see, Dad... or rather, wait and taste, hehehe....

3. Fear Factor
I am finally signing up for a remedial driving class. It has dawned upon me that it is not cool to be chaffeured everywhere by my dad at age 23. Not cool at all. And so I shall face my fears (fear of killing/injuring a human/animal on the street, fear of crashing the car), and venture into the world of driving... in KL. Wish me luck!

Jeng jeng jeng. Back to the books.. ta! ;)

And Suddenly The Past Caught Me Unawares

2007-04-19T05:22:00.000+08:00

It could be the Psychiatric attachment. Or it could be just waiting for the right time to resurface. Before I knew it, I was experiencing some angst related to the past, lying dormant all this while, keeping a low profile of its existence. It was never dealt with in the past because I didn't see it there. I couldn't. Or maybe I just wouldn't.

So much anger and resentment. And yet so much guilt as well. Because I knew that what happened in the past could not be changed, that no one is to be blamed. That we - I - was coping the way I knew best then. That should just accept it as a part of life, and learn. And not repeat the same mistakes.

I want to heal and move on. But judging from past experience, I know it's gonna take a while.

Wanted: A Teacher

2007-04-15T02:00:00.000+08:00

I miss having a sifu to push me to reach my full potential. Here, a consultant cannot do such things as it will be deemed as 'playing favourites' and unprofessional. How sad.

I suppose I'll have to push myself, as I always have. But it was so good to have someone to guide and prod to fulfill that potential within myself. To know that I'm on the right track. Or not. To not waste the potential that I have.

Nothing comes for free. I'll have to work for it. But you know what? Call me crazy or deprived, but I find comfort in working.

'Cause of all the things I've experienced so far in life, work is work. It is stable and dependable. It is a constant. It should not be made as the ultimate goal in life... but when things seem a little bit unstable, I know I could depend on work to realign my focus.

But I still miss having a teacher.

In Another Person's Words

2007-04-11T19:43:00.000+08:00

A quite accurate description of what I'm feeling now... emo problemo... SIGH.

ME by Paula Cole

I am not the person who is singing
I am the silent one inside
I am not the one who laughs at people's jokes I just pacify their egos
I am not my house, my car, my songs
They are only just stops along my way
I am like the winter
I'm a dark cold female
With a golden ring of wisdom in my cave

CHORUS:

And it is me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythmn
I am carrying my prayers
But you can't kill my spirit
It's soaring and it's strong
Like a mountain
I'll go on and on
But when my wings are folded
The brightly colored moth
Blends into the dirt into the ground

Chorus

And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing i love
And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing i love
That I love

I am walking on the bridge
I am over the water
And I'm scared as hell
But I know there's something better
Yes I know there's something better
Yes I know, yes i know, yes i know

That I love
But it's me
And it's me
But it's me

From Munchen With Love

2007-04-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

Basically, this is a vainpot/showoff blogpost... hehehe... enjoy the pics! There are 2 sesat pictures which aren't taken in Munich... but so what! :P

We heart Lee Chong Han! (thanks to 33 for the pic)

Happy Birthday, Chong Han! *giggle* (thanks 33 for the pic)

In front of the Monopteros in Englischer Garten (if you look close enough the seniors are in the Monopteros :p )

Strolling in Olympiapark

Random lake in Olympiapark

Lost

Maoooooooo

Gorgeous view of the sunset from the Monopteros

Okay, don't puke! No more self-love pics from me.. for now! Muahahahahaha.

6 Weird Things About Me

2007-04-03T03:08:00.000+08:00

Ah, I've been tagged by Mr Lau Choon Seng and thus I shalt respond... although, why I would want to deliberately share my quirks with the rest of the world is still uncertain... but I suppose it makes a fun read! :p

1. I find housework therapeutic and stress-relieving. Weird but true. As exam approaches, the frequency of house-cleaning increases. I just can't stand the sight of dust and hair on the floor when I'm studying. Plus, there is something comforting about repetitive movements. Sweeping, mopping, washing dishes, ironing... but don't get any ideas. I do it for ME to clean MY place. I won't do it for your place because I'm not your maid. :p

2. I love giving advice to the television. I get so involved watching the telly. If a character does something stupid, I'll go "Why lah!?!?!" to the telly even though I know it's useless. I give mini commentaries to myself about the issues on tv on whatever that's going on because there's no one there to listen to my intellectual opinions. Unless I know that someone else is watching the programme as well... and then I'll text them my intellectual opinions. :p

3. I run like a duck. All you gotta do is just observe. :p

4. I could sleep anywhere, anytime. Be it in front of a CNY performance in Midvalley Megamall or a beautiful European church, you could find me catching a snooze. I guess when the brain is tired, it just gotta sleep. YAWN!

5. I have a soundtrack playing in my head for different situations all the time. Maybe I watch too much telly. But my brain is always playing a song. Even when I'm studying, I've got my music on the laptop. I've got so many songs with different meanings to them, each signifying different periods in my life, making me smile or go pensive. And since knowing about the concept of 'Theme Song' (from Ally McBeal), I've always select a song for myself to be my 'theme' for a period of time. Now it's 'Me' by Paula Cole. Awesome song.

6. I cannot resist playing with a cute soft toy. I just gotta squish them or give them a cuddle, or at least touch its soft fur. It's a reflex. Cute soft toy = must play. Doesn't matter if I'm in a store or it belongs to someone else- I'd adopt it for a short while. :p

Okay, that's done. I tag... KenJ, Adlina, Grace, Collin, Sheena and Deandra! Ciao.

Melancholia

2007-03-17T06:25:00.000+08:00

It's funny and surreal how music could transport one back in time, back into the memories. I was listening to a song just now in my room in England, and I remembered how I used to look outside my window in Vista, overlooking the basketball court and Bukit Komanwel, taking a break from studying,and wondering how my life will be in the UK.

Now that I'm already here, it's funny how I still wonder how my life will be in the UK. I'm here but not quite. I should be living in the here and now. I want to. Yet, something is still missing.

I could recall 2005 so vividly. It's effortless. But to just remember the last month is difficult.

Am I experiencing what is known as 'melancholy'?

I do not want to live an existential life!!! Perhaps my next posting (Psychiatry) will help me sort myself out. :p

Anyway, spring is in the air! It's hard to stay depressed when flowers are blooming everywhere, the sun is brightly shining, and not sweat like a pig! Life IS beautiful...:)

Whack!

2007-03-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

I love whacking balls, using my foot or the squash racquet. It releases pent-up aggression.

Oh yes, I can be quite aggressive when I want to.

I may look nice, but please do not take advantage of my niceness.

However, I strive to remember Brother Tan's advice: there is no point in anger. Let it go. Be calm and peaceful.

But some people could be so stupid sometimes.

WHACK!

Idiot Me

2007-03-14T02:52:00.000+08:00

You know, if I just bluffed my way through, saying that I really deserved an 'A', I most probably would get it.

But noooo, I have to be so honest and straightforward.

And again, it boiled down to LACK OF CONFIDENCE to pull it off.

Bodoh benar. Grrrrrrr.

Sigh... the 'A' that got away...

Not that it really matters. It doesn't count in my exams. But what a lesson. At the expense of a grade. All because I lack confidence.

No way I'm letting my lack of confidence affect my grades, my life anymore. Bangang betul.

Okay, time to move on. I'm not even that into Obs & Gynae! :p

Confidence

2007-03-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

"Forgive me if I sttttart to stutter..." - Teddy Geiger, For You I Will (Confidence)

To inspire confidence, one must be confident.

I was assessed again today. It was an attachment at a place notorious for getting easy 'A' grades. But the consultant just had to ask me this:

"So what grade do you think you deserve?"

Bloody shit. I was so tempted to just bluff my way through and say 'A' confidently and smile smugly. But I couldn't. Because I'm a f*cking terrible liar. And I know that I haven't been an 'A' quality student throughout the attachment, especially with the lack of interest in the subject. (I have to chant this mantra when I feel lazy - "Lack of interest does not justify slacking..." x100). I haven't been brilliant in answering questions. In fact, I've been quite blur to not able to answer some simple questions.

So why am I so upset?

The consultant gave his feedback. He wasn't mean or anything - in fact, he's lovely! I got upset because what he said was the truth.

That I lack confidence. And that was the one and only reason why he didn't give the 'A' apparently. There is always some form of hesitancy about me, when I answer questions, when I present a case history. I would start out brilliantly, and then I would get into this 'hesitant mode' and ruin things for myself. I cannot deny what he had said, because it is all true.

Why? I dunno. But I know it is a long-standing problem ever since I could remember. I would work really hard and do well in school, but everytime an exam is around the corner, I would go into panic mode. And my dad and Adlina would always remind me to "Have confidence!"

I never got an A in IMU OSCE because of this. And the lack of confidence is not just limited to my studies. There were times during practice when I doubted my ability to play futsal, to be a good defender for the Red Foxes. Those days, my performance suffered. But thank goodness we had loads of practice, and being surrounded by confident, cocky (and damn proud of it! :D) teammates, I can't help but feel confident myself. And it really worked, being surrounded by all the positive energy.

I find it incredibly ridiculous that I lack confidence in something I am so sure of, something I am completely passionate about. I know for a fact that I am meant to be a doctor. Not just an ordinary doctor, but a kick-ass doctor. I'm not being arrogant or anything - Medicine is my calling. So why am I finding it so difficult to talk the talk and walk the walk?

I wish I have the natural confidence of Sheena, Nadia or Ken Lin. Or at least give the impression of confidence. But I don't. And I guess I am one of those people who have to work on it. And work, I will. I'll be damned if don't graduate after 3 years in England as a confident and competent houseman.

I must believe in myself more. I will grow to be more confident.

But I sure do miss being surrounded by the confident, cocky Jalil Hill crew. :)

Thank you, Mr Guirgis, for waking me up.

To Be Or Not To Be A Distinction Student?

2007-03-10T06:37:00.000+08:00

A consultant once told me that I was comfortably better than average, and he asked if I wanted to be a distinction student or was I happy with where I am right now. I said distinction, of course. He then told me that to be one, I'll have to put in more effort and hard work. But I definitely have the potential. :)

That was 3 months ago, back when I was doing Medicine. Surgery has come and gone. I'm at the end of my Obs & Gynae attachment. I'm still doing the same things, putting in similar amount of effort as I did before. Understandably, I've been getting the same grade.

I was talking to the 5th year senior the other day about being on the Distinction List. How could I aspire to be on the list, get the Distinction grade when the consultant is hardly around sometimes? He then told me this disturbing piece of information:

"To be a distinction student, you have to be seen by your consultant ALL the time. You gotta do nights, you gotta do weekends... and then you'll get an A."

WTF?!!?

I was quite disturbed, because being the academically ambitious person that I am, I would really want to aspire to be on some kinda list that makes me stand out as a great medical student. But on the other hand, I really wanna enjoy my 3 years in England as much as I can because I know I will regret it if I don't. (As it is, I already have one regret, which is not going for the Ash concert in the University. The ticket was only 10 quid. Aaaarrgghhh! Oh well, hopefully they'll come again next time). And which will make better memories in the long run? Slogging away and being on the Distinction List? Or working as hard as I can and playing as hard?

I already made up my mind. It's just a shame that it's at the expense of the List. Why can't I have it all? SIGH.

Now, in Seremban, every single person is made to work hard so that makes things easier. If you're really good at it, you WILL stand out. You don't have to play the bloody game of 'Let The Consultant See Your Face.'

Oh well. I'm going to see Take That live in December so yeah, I'm really happy! No regrets there. None at all. ;)

I Miss Disney Channel

2007-03-04T07:34:00.000+08:00

And Nickelodeon, too.

Just a random thought. :P

When I Grow Up To Be A Consultant

2007-02-09T05:20:00.000+08:00

Being a medical student means accepting the fact that you are the lowest ranking... person... to exist in the hierarchy. The consultants are way up there and I am just an insignificant 3rd year, trying to learn as much as she possibly can.

There have been a few consultants who have made me feel that way before. One told me to "disappear", another just basically ignored me in his clinic (it was the longest 2 hours I've ever experienced).

One consultant I was attached to was always polite and civil. In fact, he was quite kind and patient when I mistook a Meckel's diverticulum for the appendix, even though the ileum had been identified (by far, the most embarassing operating theatre experience ever :p).But somehow he still scares me. I would get palpitations and so stressed out during ward rounds. The palpitations disappeared after I finished that particular attachment.

And then there are the great consultants. I have been very lucky to have learned from these awesome individuals.

Consultants who teach are great. Consultants who love teaching are marvellous. But the best of the lot are those who acknowledge 3rd year medical students as human beings.

I was very touched by the gesture of this particular consultant: he actually came over to my dining table during lunch to ask how I was. A consultant came over to talk to little ol' me!!!

It doesn't take much to be kind to students. These consultants really make learning enjoyable and motivate me to work harder. Which led me to this thought...

"When I am a consultant in the future, I shall remember to be nice to medical students. Especially the keen ones. :)"

Will I be a lecturer with a medical school? I don't know. I am not sure if I am the teaching type or not. It's always 33 that have practice CSU sessions with the juniors, not me. :p

But when I am a consultant, I will remember the days of being a 3rd year medical students - how a smile and an acknowledgement from a consultant would make me happy.

Anyway, on a completely different note...

it snowed in Soton this morning!!! :D But then it all melted by 10am. Oh well. It was pretty while it lasted. ;)

Sunday Morning Brekkie

2007-02-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

It's a beautiful Sunday morning and I'm hungry! What will I have for breakfast? Hmmm... how about...

Roti canai and dhal! Muahahaha. Nope, a mamak stall did not miraculously spring up in Soton. The roti canai and dhal were frozen. The wonders of frozen food. And it tasted quite alright too. Well, it was a product of Malaysia so of course it tastes good.

Feels like home. Maybe next time I'll go all out to have a Malaysian breakfast - Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng.

Anyway, it's 3 C outside and this is the view from the kitchen:

Soton roxx. But it ain't home.

Home is where the heart is... right now, it's divided in 3 different continents - Malaysia, Canada and New Zealand.

I miss you guys. You guys are my family too. :)

Suddenly I Feel Like Blogging Again

2007-02-03T01:58:00.000+08:00

And the blogging sabbatical finally ends.

What happened? I really don't know. I just didn't feel like blogging at all.

Not anymore. :)

Anyway, where do I start? So much has happened, so much to tell...

If 2005 was the year of culmination, 2006 was the year of transition.

I officially worked properly (apparently the previous 4 hours didn't count. Whatever!). And I officially left home. So what have I learned so far? Loads.

I love my independence. I love studying to be a doctor, even though it could be bloody stressful at times. I love Malaysian food. I love European food. I think European boys are good-looking. :P

And you know what? England is starting to grow on me. A bit. When it's bright and sunny. Not when it's dull and grey.

There's too much I want to say and I don't know where to start. However, I am grateful for the friends and support I have here in England. I am grateful for the existence of the Internet and the telephone. I am grateful for all that I am and all that I have. My parents have taught me well.

A few highlights of 2006 in pictures:

Good ol' sunny Soton. It's supposed to be winter now but it still looks like this. :)

Turned 23... not a spring chicken anymore, haha!

On Charles Bridge in Prague, where the best beer in the world, Velkopopovicky Kozel, could be found. Went to Budapest and Vienna as well. Travelling in Europe was a dream come true...

So is studying here in England.

I am very lucky and fortunate to be living my dream.

What will 2007 hold for me? A month has passed by. 11 more months.

What will 2007 hold for me?

My Hope Dangles On A String

2006-10-30T02:53:00.000+08:00

At last... finally... I have Internet connection.

It was sad and pathetic. I arrived in my room with a broken room phone, and much to my chagrin, a broken laptop. I had no mobile phone as well. I was effectively incommunicado for the first 2 weeks. I was officially without the Internet for 2 whole months. SIGH. So, Yee Pei, don't complain, k? ;p

Been playing field football every week with the Christian Union (CU) girls (+ 2 boys - our coaches). Field football rocks. Been playing in midfield, I love running about in the field. The sun shining brightly, yet the air is cool. I'm so glad I play football. I look forward to it every week. It's how I retain my sanity. Still, I miss the Red Foxes - I really wish we could all play together-gether with the girls! :) (Just found out that SNing plays field football in Edinburgh. Yeah! We're spreading the Red Foxes spirit around Britain! :p)

Being in the hospital is great. Whenever I feel low or demotivated, talking to patients would make me feel better. However, sometimes, I feel quite frustrated. I want to learn soooo much, yet not many are willing to teach. Those days I feel so tired and lazy, and I would have to really tell myself to just hang in there.

I'm just afraid that I might come home as a rubbish doctor and at the rate we're going right now, the possibility is scarily real.

People in Seremban, be grateful for your scheduled bedside teachings. As for me, GHKL/Seremban GH/Klang Hosp, here I come this summer! I'd probably learn more in 4 weeks there than I would in a year here (I'm not kidding)...

Oh, don't get too concerned with my tone of despair! I'm just letting out my frustrations, that's all. The people here are alright. Alcohol makes people happy and friendly, I noticed. Interestingly, I was with the liver firm for 4 weeks and clerked many alcoholic liver diseases. A reminder from God to preserve mine? Hmmm. Anyway, I'm too cheap to go out drinking every week, so, thank goodness.

Another reason why I love the CU girls: you don't have to drink ('cos they don't) and they're still lovely anyway and accept you for who you are, not what you do.

In summary, life in Soton is good. But you know what? I can't wait to go home to serve my country. 'Cos really, that's where my heart is. It's not just the food (I can cook 'em so no big deal - there's even petai here!!!) or Milo (have loads sent over)... I miss Malaysians and Malaysia. Full stop.

Will update soon with pics (they're all still with Sheena).

Toodles!

Greetings

2006-09-03T05:31:00.000+08:00

OLA! Greetings from Soton. It's a lovely place, though it's a tad bit chilly (when the wind blows- and it sure blows hard). However, I think it's excellent to be able to take walks in the bright sunshine and not sweat at all. Hehe.

I'm loving it here, and I really wanna post up the pics online, and tell y'all everything about my experience here so far. Unfortunately, there's something wrong with my laptop (I'm now using TF's - The Flatmate- used to be TR - The Roommate) . :( :( :( I'm trying to get it fixed ASAP.

Until then, ta!

Saying Goodbye

2006-08-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

My favourite scene from 'The O. C.' season 1 would be when Seth Cohen said goodbye to Anna. Seth was this lonely boy in Newport, who had no friends until Ryan and Anna came along. Ryan was the delinquent from Chino whom his lawyer dad decided to adopt. Anna was a new girl from Pittsburgh. Seth and Anna had loads in common and they even got together as a romantic couple. Unfortunately, it didn't last 'cos Seth was actually in love with Summer (which is another story). Anyway, Anna missed Pittsburgh a lot, and she never felt like she belonged in Newport, so she decided to go home.

That episode was quite dramatic (as like all OC episodes are). Anna's decision to leave was quite sudden and she kept Seth in the dark until quite late. She also couldn't bear to say goodbye to him face to face, so she wrote him a letter and got Ryan to pass it to her. The letter got smudged (Ryan fell into the swimming pool... ANOTHER long story) and Seth couldn't really make out what was written at some parts. And so he rushes off to the airport...

He arrives at the airport. Nada Surf's 'If You Leave' starts playing in the background. Seth cranes his neck, frantically searching for Anna among the crowd. She was at the boarding gate already, when suddenly she hears her name being called -- "ANNA!"

Seth pleaded for her not to go. But she said she had to leave, she missed Pittsburgh too much. Seth was brokenhearted. Anna was one of the few people who really knew him. What am I gonna do without you, he asked. And a tearful Anna told him what she always had when she first got to know him:

"Confidence, Cohen."

And then she left.

I'll be leaving very soon. And much as I am excited about this new chapter of my life, I am also experiencing other emotions.

I feel sad that I had to leave my home, a place filled with so much memories. It's funny how I used to harbour this particular dream of studying in the UK in my bedroom for so long, and now it is actually coming true. I am also going to miss watching a precious little girl grow up as well. Sigh.

And being a typical Malaysian and my love affair with Malaysian food, I am definitely going to miss my mother's cooking, of course!, Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng (with extra sambal), Nasi Kandar Pelita, claypot chicken rice, Penang Char Kuey Teow (spicy), Roti Pisang with Chicken Curry, Sambal Prawn with Petai, Kangkung Belacan, Honey Sotong, and other yummy gastronomical delights.

Oh well. At least there is Nandos in the UK.

I am also feeling a bit of irrational fear. Fear that I would not succeed. Fear that I'll graduate as a rubbish doctor. I know, it's irrational. Haha! :P But it's there.

Yet, despite all these feelings, I know it is my time to go and experience my life the way I've always wanted to. To see the world, but most importantly to find out who I really am. Because this isn't just a medical education; it is also a journey of self-discovery.

And so I shall cast my trepidation aside, and tell myself, "Confidence, YK."

See you in a bit. ;)

Thoughtless

2006-08-20T21:07:00.000+08:00

As I read my fellow bloggers' more emotion-filled and thoughtful entries, I could not help but feel a bit superficial as I read through my own post before this. Favourite reality television shows to watch as my brain oozes out of my ears. Nice. But not particularly deep. Hmmm.

I wanted to blog more often, but I found myself to be want of ideas. Believe it or not, I already have a special 'I'm-leaving-the-country' post half-written in my head already. But for the days in between, nothing.

It's not to say that I haven't been feeling anything. I don't think I've been reduced to being THAT dull after a period of self-imposed house arrest. I've been bored, yes. Yet somehow at the same time, I am also appreciating my time of solitude at home. I'm appreciating my pathetic routine because I know it's gonna be well over soon.

I just realised that I've been looking forward so much that I've forgotten to look around in the present.

So I think I'll do just that, until it is time for me to leave.

Days Go By

2006-07-31T16:10:00.000+08:00

What a lovely morning. The rain pouring down heavily, continuously, from dawn till mid-morning. The cool breeze blowing into the room. I sighed in contentment as I huddled in my blanket, lost in my dreams.

Now if I was still working, not only would I had to get up at such early hour, I would also be exposed to the elements and be sloshed silly. Heavy rain is fun when you're nicely tucked in bed, alright when you are in the comfort of your car (though the traffic may ruin things a bit), but absolutely sucks when you have to take the public transportation and get around where puddles form almost everywhere. And then I would have reached my workplace, feeling grumpy, doing work which I do not have much interest in for money I do not really need.

But I'm not working anymore. Muahahaha!

The whole month of nothingness has been really nice. The boredom got to me, at first. I was frustrated that I was not doing anything much. But slowly, I have learned to embrace the nothingness and now live in blissful, peaceful, emptiness. Living the existential lifestyle is not too bad. Temporarily, at least. I know I won't no longer be able to pull such nothingness off soon in the future, so I might as well enjoy it while I can.

As I fall deeper into my coccoon of anti-socialism which I had spun around myself, television became my replacement for human contact. Reality television, to be more precise.

My own life is now on 'Power-Save' mode and I'm now taking a keen interest in watching other people's lives unfold on television. Interesting, eh? :P

Rockstar: Supernova, Tommy Lee Goes To College, America's Next Top Model, Camp Jim, Tiara Girls, My Super Sweet Sixteen, The Hills...

I am a huge fan of American Idol, but gosh, it's so wimpy as compared to Rockstar:Supernova. I didn't follow the INXS installment but now I know why it was so successful. These rockers really pack a punch! There are so much more intensity and attitude in their performances and
it's awesome to see them rock out on stage. I think Dilana have the chops to front the band, but others like Storm Large and Patrice Pike are great, too. Hopefully I get to watch it in the UK too to find out who actually won.

Tommy Lee is damn lawaks. That's all I have to say about Tommy Lee Goes To College. He didn't actually enroll in the university. He just attended some classes and participated in several university activities. And you can tell that some things were done deliberately for the laughs. But it's damn funny anyway! It's on Channel V, by the way.

Camp Jim, Tiara Girls, My Super Sweet Sixteen, and The Hills are tv shows on MTV. Camp Jim is a cheerleading camp, which is quite interesting to watch. Tiara Girls shows the behind-the-scenes and preparation taken for teen beauty pageant contestants. Wow, it's not easy and cheap to win a pageant crown. A coach specialising in teaching contestants what and how to say things could actually cost US$100 per hour. And I guess a pageant is not for the meek - it's for ultra competitive chicks who go all out to win a pageant to make themselves happy. Hmmm.

But my favourite show which I love to hate would be My Super Sweet Sixteen. In this show, would-be 16-year-olds plan the party they will never forget. Which usually involves a lot of money. You get to see super self-indulgent kids spend serious amounts of money (which is probably enough to set up a foundation for scholarships for many, many people/ feed a 3rd world country for a year) just to celebrate their 16th birthday. Most of the time, when the decorations isn't to their liking, or something trivial goes wrong, the birthday girl would throw a tantrum/cry to daddy, which daddy will OF COURSE oblige and 'set things right' later. Gosh, how could these men let themselves be manipulated like that? One boy had P. Diddy gracing his party and Kanye West to perform at his party, which is of course, set in a happening club. One chick had her party at this 5-star hotel and received a black Mercedes Benz convertible AND a diamond-studded Rolex watch. Just for being alive and turning sixteen.

I love watching this show 'cos you get to diss all those spoilt brats on tv and feel smug and morally superior while you watch them throw their huge egos around. But of course, at the same time, you secretly wished that you were also as rich as them. Haih.

I remember, when I turned sixteen, I had to take the Physics test for my year-end exam. Haih.

Thank you, Mr Alexander Graham Bell, for making my short holiday filled with mindless entertainment. And now that the Ferrari Fight Back is more exciting than ever at this stage of the Formula 1 championship, I shalt not be separated from my beloved television unnecessarily before I leave.

A word of caution to those who would like to follow my current lifestyle, though: Bumming around enlarges the bum. Bummer.

Dreamin' / Happy Anniversary!

2006-07-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

Now that the nights are boring and meaningless without 'live' football on the telly, I spend the wee hours of the morning doing what most normal people do: sleep. (of course, there are some who stay up playing online games like WoW, like someone I know, but these are a sub-species of their own whom I am in no position to write about because I really just don't get it. :P) And so I shall write about one of the recurrent topics I find myself writing about time and again: nocturnal dreams.

Everyone dreams in their REM stage of sleep but not everyone remembers them. I do. And I dream the weirdest dreams sometimes. Lately, I've been dreaming dreams that actually require thinking. Dreams that placed me in medical situations and its appropriate responses. Situations like drawing blood from a patient, taking sexual history from a female patient, performing PAP smear and identifying a Nabothian cyst... I haven't read any ObGyn-related stuff anytime lately, so that couldn't be it. Hmmm.

I think I'm ready to start school again. Yeah. :P

***
Today marks the one-year anniversary of the day I said goodbye to something. Last week was the one-year anniversary for that particular day when the sun shone on a rainy afternoon. ;) How do I feel about things now? Good. I feel good. Life is good. Thank God for all His blessings in my life. It was one of the best things that have happened to me.

"Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long..."
- Rascal Flatts , Life Is A Highway

And so I have officially ran out of things to blog about. Until the next idea pops into my head, adieu. :p

'Til Another Four Years

2006-07-10T20:50:00.000+08:00

Ahhh, what a wonderful World Cup tournament it had been. One whole month of world-class football, 24/7... a big thank you to Astro for providing such lovely service for the tournament. It has ended for less than a day and already I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms. It cheered me up when I was having the working blues, and when I have already stopped working, it was something to look forward to. Now that it's over, I guess I just have to contend with watching repeat matches and slowly wean myself off football. And one match I kept watching again and again (and still not sick of it) was the 3rd place play-off, Germany vs Portugal...

And THAT, as far as I'm concerned, was my Finals. Fantastic, energetic play from both sides. Cristiano Ronaldo's theatrics was still loathsome to watch, but I suppose Portugal's own goal during the second half was karma for all the nonsense they've presented throughout the tournament... so everything kinda worked out fine! :D And the goals by Schweinsteiger were just beautiful. Germany opened the tournament with a brilliant goal by Lahm against Costa Rica, and they ended on a high note with Schweinsteiger's. A great ending by a great team. Such a fun team to watch. And the fact that the coach was damn fine is an added bonus. ;) I hope he stays on with the team... they've only just begun and only him can continue carrying the momentum to reach greater heights.

I really like the Klose-Podolski pairing, but my favourite player in the team would be Lahm. The shortest dude in the team, he is ever so consistent as a winger and is definitely a player the team could rely on. I would want to play like him. Yes, my footie days are not completely over yet. I intend to play footie still in the UK. ;)

The jubilation and celebration after their convincing 3-1 victory over Portugal was lovely. Oh how I wished I was in Stuttgart then to soak up the atmosphere and watch the fireworks display (and maybe bump into Michael Schumacher, hehe... or better still, Klinsmann! ;P) ...

As for the real Finals, it had more drama than goals. Despite each side having a goal each during the 1st half, somehow I thought it wasn't exciting enough for a Finals match. Plus, the prolonged injury time for those injured players were kinda disrupting the flow.

Things changed for the better during the second half. Both upped their pace and France was looking pretty strong. But still no goals... and it went on to extra time.

Obviously, Italy's Materazzi provoked Zidane into what will be known around the world as 'Zidane's Moment of Madness'... but it's still no excuse for his disgraceful behaviour. I thought Rooney's sent off was stupid enough, but this just takes the cake. That famous shaven head known for his headers decided to head another person instead of the ball. Stupid goat. Of all occasions, it was his farewell match, in the World Cup finals, that he chose to not control his temper. For a football genius, he's not very bright, is he? What a selfish, dumb prick. How could he leave 10 men on the pitch to fight for such a great cause? Captain, konon.

Penalty shootouts is not my favourite way to decide a winning team. But I'm glad Italy won anyway, 'cos it meant that Germany only lost to the eventual champions, which is not bad at all. ;)

And thus ended World Cup Germany 2006. Sigh. :)

Oh, Klinsmann, you set my heart aflutter... :P

The Past In The Present

2006-07-08T22:17:00.000+08:00

You know how certain songs can trigger some hidden memories? The melody of a song transports you to a time, a mood, a thought... a memory. Guess what. So can books.

I was at the local book rental store, and I walked passed these shelves of books. The Sweet Valley franchise. Sweet Valley Twins, Sweet Valley High, Sweet Valley Kids... I read them all (well, almost). I remember waiting for the latest book in the series to read. It was a commodity- my classmates and I would trade with each other's different 'episodes'. So anyway, I was thumbing through these books with unrealistic plots which were fun to read, and the ridiculously huge fonts just hit me! Omigosh, they were printed in font...14? Now, that's what I call light reading!

They brought back fond memories of my primary school days. How my friends and I would talk about Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield and their fictitious lives. It was fun. Pre-teen/teen books nowadays are a bit too... thrashy for my liking. But then again, times have changed. The books we have now merely reflect our current teen situation. Not so wholesome anymore, unfortunately.

The Sweet Valley series has been discontinued. Well, there are only so many escapades a pair of blonde twins could get into, I suppose. But thank you for creating this world of Sweet Valley, Ms. Francine Pascal. The fans had a good time. :)

Speaking of the past, I met up with my two of my ex-schoolmates. I must admit that keeping in touch isn't my strongest point. So far, I've only successfully kept in touch with a handful of people. But you know what? Even after years of not seeing each other, things weren't awkward at all. How cool is that? I'm glad that the friendship stood the test of time, and it made me realise that I should put in more effort in keeping in touch. Especially since I'll be leaving soon.

Flashbacks from the past are becoming more frequent. The most random memories would appear at the weirdest moments. Random memories of my A-Levels days, and the Phase I reminiscences... I think it could be my subconscious trying to preserve my memories of here before leaving. I cannot think of other explanation.

Better to reconcile with the past first before heading to the future.

Heartbroken

2006-07-05T11:23:00.000+08:00

I thought Germany would lift the Cup. I was hoping that they would win. But I guess it just was not meant to be.

1st half was quite nervous to watch. Germany was defending too much for my liking. Then 2nd half came along, and Germany attacked a lot more. It was great to watch, yet no goals scored. Missed chances, they were. I call it the Lampard curse.

The play went into extra time. The Italians nearly scored, the ball just hitting the cross bar. Still I held on to my faith, and hoped that Germany would rise to the occasion. A great chance came along, and Podolski headed the ball... away from the goal.

That squandered goal was almost as painful to watch as when Peter Crouch kicked the ball into the orbit despite the goal being right in front of him and he was not being pressured by any defenders, in England's match against Trinidad & Tobago.

Minutes before the end of extra time, I thought it would go into another penalty shootout. That did not materialise, however. At the dying minutes, the Italians converted yet another corner to a superb goal, I must admit. The way the ball curved into the goal... what's-his-name really did a great job. The Germans' morale was shattered, and tried to recover, but Del Piero added salt to the wound by netting another brilliant goal within 2 minutes.

Germany's World Cup dream was over. And fans around the world mourn.

Props for Italy. They were actually the better team on the pitch. Despite the horrible play actors here and there within the team (Totti is an ass), Italy played very well. The Italian defence did not give the Germans much space to score. And their strikers took a whole lot more chances than the German side. Germany has done very well in this World Cup, indeed, and the team has no reason to be ashamed. They just lost to a better team, simple as that.

Wow... I haven't got emo over a football team since... France '98, when England was sent home by Argentina. But England's departure this time didn't upset me as much anymore; you kinda get used to it, you know? In Japan/S. Korea '02, I remember Germany playing a very boring finals against Brazil. I wasn't even planning to support Germany this time, until I saw Lahm scoring the very first goal of the tournament. One thing I noticed about Germany is that although they have big names, they've always played as a team, and that's what makes wonderful football. I never liked the whole 4-5-1 concept - the feed-the-ball-to-the-lone-striker concept as England adopted. Sven Goran Eriksson is an idiot. But then he was short on strikers. Well, he's still an idiot, nevertheless. But I digress. :P

Well, if I, a Malaysian girl, could feel sad over their loss, imagine the Germans. Or the German players themselves. How does it feel to not deliver your promise, and to shatter the hopes and dreams of your country who have counted on you so much? Not good. But that's football, and that's life.

I hope Juergen Klinsmann stays on as their coach, though. Hopefully the Germans will get to avenge this loss in Euro 2008... and I can still see my favourite coach on tv, haha! :P

I'm gonna watch the 3rd place playoff, of course, and will continue to root for Germany. As for the finals, I don't really give a damn now. As long as Portugal doesn't win the World Cup.

May Zizou & co. kick Portugal's ass later.

The Beginning of The End

2006-07-03T17:27:00.000+08:00

It feels great to not have to wake up before daybreak on a weekday. Yes, work is officially over. How would I rate the experience? Hmmm. It was alright. Definitely an eye-opening experience. I have learned quite a bit from this working stint, not entirely academic. But it's time to move on. And watch the rest of the World Cup matches...

Oh England! The moment Roo was sent off, I had a terrible feeling that it might be a repeat of France '98. And it was. You deserved to get through to the semi-finals, despite your uninspiring show in the tournament so far, as compared to the filthy team of play-actors also known as Portugal. There were so many chances, all missed. Did you offend anyone before leaving for Germany, Lampard? I thought you would make my dream come true that early Sunday morning...

But of course, Sven Goran Eriksson could only be so lucky. What a clueless git. Oh well. There's no use crying over spilt milk.

I could only sing this song...

"It's coming home
It's coming home
It's coming
Football's coming home

Everyone seems to know the score
They've seen it all before
They just know
They're so sure
That England's gonna throw it away (yep, they just did)
Gonna blow it away
But I know they can play
'Cause I remember...

Three Lions on a shirt
Jules Rimet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming

So many jokes, so many sneers
But all those oh-so-nears (is that another shot at the goal, Lampard?)
Wear you down
Through the years
But I still see that tackle by Moore
And when Lineker scored
Bobby belting the ball
And Nobby Dancing

Three Lions on a shirt
Jules Rimet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming..."

-- Three Lions , Lightning Seeds & Baddiel & Skinner

The Germany vs Argentina match, on the other hand, was absolutely lovely. Germany was defending more than I liked them to, but hey, they never gave up (even though I almost did). Klose's header was just brilliant and re-energized the team, which was great to watch.

Argentina deserved to get through as well. Better Argentina than Portugal. But I guess it's fated that Argentina couldn't kick penalties for nuts like my other favourite team. Anyway, another reason why Germany deserved to go through the semi-finals: they played with heart. It was obvious that the Germans wanted to win more. And because of that, I know that they will go all the way and lift the trophy.

I am also happy that Germany won because this means I still get to see their oh-so-fit coach Juergen Klinsmann on tv. Hehehe. He's damn hot. Hehehe. :P

Schumi completed the German power display weekend by winning the US GP in Indianapolis. And the German national anthem plays on! Muahahaha.

So how did I spend my first day of break today? I attempted to study. Yes, the word is attempt because I think I tried to read too much at one go and now I think my brain has blown a fuse. :P Will try again tomorrow- this time, bit by bit.

Two more months...

10 Life's Simple Pleasures

2006-06-18T17:34:00.000+08:00

Got tagged by Zen and so I shall respond. Yes, it certainly is something different from the usual lab work. ;)

And here is, my list of

10 Life's Simple PLeasures

1. PLaying Futsal. Had a bad day? Need a break? Need to release stress? Bored to bits? Futsal is the solution. Funny how a certified couch potato like myself would actually fall in love with a sport which actually involved running and sweating. I miss the team, I miss the bonding on and off the pitch, and dammit, I miss the endorphin release after each game! Such great high after each session, especially those night games. Always slept like a baby after that. :)

2. Hoegaarden and my fellow Hoegaarden fans (or Pink Pelican ;P). It doesn't matter if it's 3pm or 9pm. Anytime is Hoegaarden time. Muahaha. Chilling, talking rubbish, laughing like crazy people over the stupidest things, with ice-cold Hoegaarden... these are what memories are made of. Mao visit Halifax!!! ;)

3. Stoning in my room with great music blasting from my speakers. There is freedom in losing yourself in music. From Radiohead to Ashlee Simpson to 80s pop music... as Missy Elliot put it, "Music makes me lose control."

4. Having conversations. It feels great to exchange thoughts and feelings and laughter with people whom you love and share an understanding with. It also feels good to get to know people better, people whom you don't usually talk to and find out something about their lives, about what makes them tick (or not). Everyone has his/her own life story, and I find them fascinating.

5. Watching a good movie. Anything that could make me laugh/cry/laugh AND cry (hehe)/think. From the stupid (Eurotrip, Dude, Where's My Car?, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle) to 80s teen movies (The Breakfast Club, Say Anything) to the arthouse (Cinema Paradiso) to Fight Club... I must say, I really love movies.

6. Reading a good book. Books have the power to educate and influence. Knowledge is power. Imagination makes life more interesting. Ideas empower. Without books and literacy, one could not progress.

7. Writing in my journal. There always something soothing and cathartic about jotting your thoughts and feelings and sorting them out on paper. It helps give perspective and unclutter your mind.

8. Having a great meal. There's nothing better than to feel gastronomically satisfied. I'm sure many of you would agree. ;) Nasi lemak ayam goreng, nasi kandar, nasi belauk, delicious Thai delicacies... yum yum. Definitely gonna miss M'sian food when I leave. *BURP!* :p

9. Singing in the shower at the top of my lungs. Nothing beats the acoustics in the bathroom, people. Great way to release stress too, hehe.

10. Laguna Beach/The Hills/The O.C./House MD/Lost/American Idol. I love American television. Muahaha.

As thus ends my top 10 list. And now I shall tag:

a) Zhi Yi
b) Choon Seng
c) Adlina
d) Ken Jay
e) Ken Lin

Alright, ciao!

Spanish Regret

2006-06-15T08:48:00.000+08:00

The one night I could catch one of my favourite teams at a normal hour, I just had to feel tired.

My mother knew I was tired.

Spain vs Ukraine was on last night at 9.00pm. Pretty early. My mother's Korean drama series was scheduled at 9.30pm.

I could watch the match if I wanted to. But remember, I was tired. And my mother knew. And she oh-so-subtly (NOT!) suggested that I should go to bed since I was feeling very tired and all. Oooh, I knew she wanted to watch her Korean drama fix.

So I decided to not watch the match. Because I WAS tired. And because I love my mother (see, I'm such a filial daughter).

This morning, I found out that Spain whooped Ukraine's ass 4-0. I only managed to catch one of the goals (Torres) during the match highlights before work. It was lovely. And I missed it, not to mention 3 other goals before that.

I love my mother. But World Cup is only once in 4 years.

No more skipping 'live' matches with my favourite teams. SIGH. :P

Footie Pleasures

2006-06-12T09:28:00.000+08:00

Thank God for the simple pleasures in life like football. It's amazing how a sport could uplift one's spirit.

I woke up this morning, feeling bitter and depressed about going to work. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts... sorry, not working.

Arrived at the workplace freakin' early. What to do? What to do? Oh look! Astro!

I sat on the couch and switched on the television. Serbia & Monteneigro VS Nederlands repeat match. 20mins to full-time. I watched, my eyes transfixed onto the tv screen.

My gosh, Robben is such an inspiring figure on the pitch. The near-goals! Such lovely attempts!

And suddenly, things didn't feel as bad or depressing.

Thank God for World Cup.

Ah Cheng Buey Lo Ti

2006-06-11T11:03:00.001+08:00

"And time goes by, so slowly
And time can do so much..."
- Unchained Melody , The Righteous Brothers

Time flies when you're having fun. Or time's fun when you're having flies, according to Kermit The Frog. But when it ain't fun, boy, time sure drags.

That's life, huh?

Just gotta take one day at a time.

*One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a lounge and requested the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Lo Ti" (Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them they only played English songs and asked them to request another song. They were upset and complained to the manager that the DJ was insulting them. After many hours of calming them down, the manager found out they were actually requesting the Righteous Brothers' song, "Unchained Melody".

Firsts

2006-06-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

First steps... I don't remember when. Too young to remember, I guess. Too bad I didn't learn to run properly, though. :P

First day of school... I went to pee with a boy classmate in the boys' toilet!!!! I honestly thought that the cubicles were for the girls, the urinals for the boys. It was only when I walked back to the classroom that I remembered where the girls' toilet was. Doh! :P

First book... would be one of the Secret Seven book series by Enid Blyton. It was such a fun read, it triggered my childhood fascination with reading, especially Enid Blyton books. It was those books actually that sparked off my dream of studying in the UK, although I was unaware of it at that time.

First public speech... was made when I was in kindergarten! I had to memorise this speech in BM for the school concert but I had difficulties remembering the speech. But I pulled through in the end and my teacher was so happy that she kissed me on the cheeks! :D

First job... working as Research Ass. for a couple of months already. Yes, the 4-hour shoe shop stint does NOT count. ;P

First crush... would be none other than Michael J. Fox. He was so adorable in Family Ties and in movies like Back To The Future trilogy, The Secret of My Success, Teen Wolf, etc. Sigh. I still love watching his movies today. :)

First love... no one ever forgets his/her first love. 'Nuff said. ;)

First time God made His presence felt in my life... I experienced faith.

And God shall always be my Number One. :)

In A Contemplative Mood

2006-05-30T09:23:00.000+08:00

The convo weekend has come and gone. The one weekend I have been looking forward to, over. What next? Hmm, before I answer that question, maybe it's also time for reflections...

***
Who would've guessed that kicking and chasing a ball around in an indoor court would have such impact on me? It has been months since I last kicked the ball with my teammates... and my, what an exhilirating feeling it was! I forgot how good it felt to run around with my pathetic stamina, breathing hard for oxygen and feeling the beating of my heart... I forgot how alive this sport had made me feel. Our skills (and stamina) have certainly deteriorated since the last time we played together, but the essence was still present - a bunch of girls (and guys) getting together to play a sport we love.

The only thing that was missing was Capt'n KLin. We miss you, Maooo!!!

And also you, KenJ. You were a great coach. We missed your pearls of wisdom. ;)

Of all the M203 memories I have with me, F3 Red Foxes will be one of the closest to my heart.

***
I miss M203. I really do miss my batchmates. I miss the familiarity of going to lectures, the individuals who make the batch special, and I miss the togetherness that we had. IMU Cup is an excellent event which never failed to bring us all together. I miss clanning up with each other and claim superiority over the other batches, obnoxious as that may sound. :P And though each EoS was a horrible, stressful experience, it did, nevertheless, brought us all together for one cause and we helped each other cope with the stress of studying. I've always studied solitarily, but for the last EoS Sem 5, I realised the pros of studying with other people - stress shared is stress reduced. Watching Laguna Beach and Sex And The City during dinner... excellent way to de-stress. And Happy Cook was our unofficial caterer. ;)

It felt good to see familiar faces again on Convo. But time was too short and precious, Convo was merely an interlude in our current separate lives, allowing us to meet up but only for a while.

Well, it was better than nothing, though. :)

***
Congratulations to SNing, our very own founder and President of Fantastic Female Futsal, striker for the F3 Red Foxes team, for winning the Gold Medal Award!

***
So... what next? I realised that what I'm going through right now is merely an interlude in my life. I'm still in limbo, waiting for my life to begin again when I leave the country and start school again. Would I enjoy it as much as I did with M203? I don't know.

There is no choice for me but to just wait and see. In the meantime, I guess I should be grateful for the remaining time I have to spend with the ones I love and care for.

Glory, glory, M-2-0-3!!! :)

Try Again, I Must

2006-05-11T11:17:00.000+08:00

"And if at first you don't succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
Cause if at first you don't succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again (and again)."
-- Try Again, Aaliyah

Okay, so the lyricist is no Shakespeare, and the chorus is a tad bit repetitive. :P But hey, it's catchy and the message is clear: If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again (I find this sentence hard to paraphrase :P).

I sang this to myself to keep my spirits up in Form 5 when Add Maths suddenly decided to become a bitch. It wasn't easy, but I sat down and did at least 2 hours of Add Maths every day in the form of several revision books. The work paid off - Add Maths decided to be nice again. :)

I sang this chorus again in Semester 2, when I just couldn't do percussion at all. My hands would move awkwardly, instead of tapping, I was... whacking? the other finger wrongly. It didn't help that another friend of mine got the hang of it instantaneously. Thus began the percussing obsession. I would practice percussing on my tummy almost every waking moment of the day- when I'm studying, when I'm watching tv, when I'm talking to my housemates... Tap, tap, tap (or at least, trying to)... before I realised it, I heard RESONANCE. Yay!

I feel it's time to warm up my vocal cords again and sing this chorus. Why? Because there is something seriously wrong with my cell culture technique. In cell culture, one's technique must be fully aseptic, everything must be sterile. I have tried, many times already, yet bacteria still insist to party with my cells. :( I was very pissed off initially. The anger then lead to frustration. But now, I'm also tired by the frustration, like how I'm tired of the contamination. I am now, instead, more determined than ever to master this bloody technique. I will because I can.

And so I shall try again, and again, and again, and again...

Counting Down The Days

2006-05-03T13:12:00.000+08:00

Counting down to

... tonight, when American Idol is on. Go McPhee! Go Yamin!

... this Sunday, when the European GP takes place and Schumi kicks ass again. Muahahaha.

... next weekend, when we plan to have The Last Dinner with Maosix before she leaves us for Yukon (or Halifax rather, but they're both snowy anyway).

... the weekend of convocation, when there'll be a reunion taking place. Heheh. Heheheh.

... the last day of work, when I can finally enjoy my holidays and do the things that I want to do! Like, studying! And watch tv all day long! Weee!

... the day I leave the country. Hmmm. I'm still unsure of what to feel.

Hope Springs Eternal

2006-05-01T10:10:00.000+08:00

I blew my hopes into a red balloon
And watched it drift gently in the air
As it slowly vanished behind the clouds
Up in the sky above
Wishing they would come true.

I also blew my memories of you
Into that red balloon
Hoping to forget you
Although I know it is all in vain
Because I never could.

But one can always hope.

"So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony."
- Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning), Vertical Horizon

Those Were Good Times

2006-04-28T16:15:00.000+08:00

As the car drove past
That place today
Like it did so many times before
I was suddenly transported
To the land called Yesterday.

Back to the day
When everything was new
Including our friendship.

I remember the laughters
It was awkward, yet comfortable
Despite our differences
Something was shared.

It could have been so pretty
Still, it was not meant to be.
I see it clearly now.

I miss those days
When everything felt pure and beautiful
And I was, in most probability
More naive than I am today.

But those were good times.

Those were good times.

And He Leaps On Top Of The Podium Again!

2006-04-24T13:33:00.000+08:00

Whenever Schumi wins a race, he leaps with joy at the top of the podium, regardless if it was his 1st, 50th or 85th win, i.e. his latest win in San Marino yesterday. It was a fantastic race, plenty of excitement abound. The Renault car was clearly faster than the Ferrari but Schumi held him at bay with his sheer wit and experience. Oh, Alonso TRIED to intimidate Schumi by appearing in his side mirror oh-so-every chance that he could, but who was he kidding? You wanna pressure Schumi The King into making a mistake? Puh-leese!! But it sure made an entertaining watch, Alonso attempting to overtake Schumi. Alas, his attempt remained, an attempt. Muahahaha! My, it sure feels great to hear the familiar tunes of the German/Italian national anthems combo again, rather than the Spanish/French national anthems combo.

Kudos to Ferrari as well for coordinating such a brilliant 2nd pit-stop, putting Schumi right in front of Alonso and frustrating the fella until the end of the race.

Poor Button, though. What a comical pit-stop. And as for Kimi, I could only heave a sigh. When will he start winning races again?

Anyway, a race like this reminds me of why I fell in love with him in the 1st place, leading to this compilation, hehe:

Reasons Why Michael Schumacher Is My Hero and I Love Him

1. He is hardworking. A racing car could only improve with the driver's input and this man works extra hard testing and understanding the machinery he drives. He puts in extra testing hours, talks to the engineers to discuss on the various ways to improve the race car's performance.

2. He is calm and focused. As yesterday's race demonstrated, this man is not one to get distracted easily. In fact, his wife mentioned that he would ignore her even when she's calling him while reading newspaper, not because he's a jerk, but he just gets absorbed while reading. Unwavering focus in the heat of pressure. No stupid mistakes. That's the way to get a job done.

3. He NEVER gives up. Whether starting from the last position on the grid, or the Ferrari under-performing, this man does not give up easily. In races where he starts from less than favourable position, he fights till the very end to try win the race. Such stubbornness and determination. And when the Ferrari still have glitches to sort out, he just works extra hard to turn things around, instead of jumping ship. He helped turn Ferrari into a competitive team when he joined them back in 1997 and has been with them through thick and thin, especially last year's abysmal season (of course, his fat paycheck was a pretty decent motivation, hehe).

4. He is humble. Schumi is one of the highest paid athletes in the world. He is aware of his talent; yet, he is not arrogant. He never fails to thank the team whenever he wins a race and he treats his team very well. Even the lady who cooks for them. He took the trouble to learn Italian to chat with the lady, who speaks only Italian.

5. He is professional. He does not let his private life interfere with his work. During the weekend of San Marino GP 2002 (or was it 2001?), his mother passed away. Yes, it would be completely understandable if he didn't race that weekend. But it was an important race to win, in terms of Constructor's Championship points and for Ferrari (and its fans) morale. So he put his grief aside for 2 hours and won the race.

6. He is passionate about his career. He has raced and won so many races, yet his enthusiasm for the sport never waned. It's always a delight watching him giving his all to win a race, and he's always genuinely delighted with every win. Racing is not a chore for him - he enjoys racing immensely, and it's obvious. That's the way to do something for the rest of your life - something you love.

Dammit, he's already married with 2 kids. (By the way, he is a family man and loves them very much. Swoon...)

I hope to emulate all these traits, particularly Trait #5 as a future doctor. Because no matter what happens, the patients would always still need me to be there for them.

Michael Schumacher, my hero.

Versions of Truth

2006-04-12T14:29:00.000+08:00

For every circumstance, for every incident that happens, there will always be several versions of what took place. The eyes which see through them act as filters - the end story is never always pure and adulterated, but rather, coloured with the owner's own experiences and prejudices.

Tonight on National Geographic channel, 'The Gospel of Judas' will be aired. Apparently Judas had his own gospel and according to it, he was not a vile betrayer of Jesus Christ but instead, an obedient servant, because Jesus supposedly instructed him to help emancipate His spirit from His human form. The finding has brought forth scholarly debates, some proclaiming its authenticity, some debunking it as a fake.

I just think that it's definitely an interesting take on that fateful turn of events, isn't it?

Sometimes the truth is also tinkered to fit the person's eyes. This results in malformation of information, resulting in the (deliberate) misinformation of others.

How sad because maligned truth is basically, a lie.

A person who spins various versions of the truth to others to save his/her own face deserves to be pitied, for he/she has no courage to face the real truth and claim responsibility.

Was Judas a lying coward or was he really telling the truth? Hmmm.

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." - Plato

Behavioural Science

2006-04-07T11:34:00.000+08:00

This subject has always fascinated me. How society works, what makes us humans tick, our different personalities... I read many of my batchmates' blogs, and already we can see many distinctive writing styles and content matter which makes each blog a unique read.

However, as a GRADED subject, it's horrible. I got it for my Selective (it was my last choice) and obtained a less-than-ideal grade for it. To me, despite my fascination with the subject matter, it was full of concepts which I somehow could not establish correlations with certain behaviours in real life. For behind every behaviour, there could be many diverse underlying motivations. Each person has his/her own story to tell, their own histories. I have to always remind myself that not everyone is like me and therefore would react to situations differently from how I would.

Props to Mr Paul Jambunathan for being an expert in this highly complex and subjective field.

As for me, I'm still learning to understand people. It's difficult sometimes, but I strive to always try. And learning people, just like other new things, requires patience.

Cultivating patience is a test of patience in itself. And a learning experience in itself. But it is worth being patient for, I feel.

Black Pup

2006-04-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

On some days, you wake up and you just feel like crawling back to bed - not just because it feels so comfortable, hehe, but also because you feel unwell.

I do not like feeling unwell.

When I'm unwell, I'm cranky. Grumpy. Grouchy. And very pessimistic. Negative thoughts come flooding through my head, uncontrollable. Great. Is the whole day going to be like this?

It was a moody way to work that morning. I told myself, I don't have to be grumpy, that I'm responsible for my feelings and how my day will turn out, that I can choose to be happy, bla bla bla... Sure. Tell that to a tired mind.

It was until I almost reached my workplace when I encountered a bouncy, black furball.

A black puppy, to be precise.

I've never encountered any animal there before. It was such a cheerful creature. It was silent, but there was a happy expression on its face and it was so bouncy! It kept jumping up and down at my heels with that happy face and tongue lolling out. So cute!!! It accompanied me for a short distance, and then stopped. It then decided to accompany another passer-by at that area and soon it was out of sight.

A trace of innocence made my day. :)

P/S- I looked out for it on my way home but it was no longer there. Maybe it was someone's pet which got lost in an area nearby. Or could it be a hallucination? Hmm. Now that's a thought.

Something New & Pleasant

2006-04-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

A Voltaire (French philosopher) quote goes like this: "If we don't find anything pleasant, at least we shall find something new."

This week has been interesting. I have signed up for two completely different things spontaneously without much reason, except for the fact that I somehow felt compelled to do so. Having tried out these two activities, I am proud to say that I have had no regrets.

I could see myself embracing Activity #1 as a part of my life, like how Futsal was. It's great to be part of a club again, and to reconnect with my body.

As for Activity #2, which actually involved singing (one of my favourite past-times), it didn't turn out perfect. It was, however, a thoroughly enjoyable and learning experience. Something pleasantly unexpected came out of it. And I had a fantastic time reconnecting with an old and a not-so-new friend. :)

I guess trying out new stuff ain't that bad after all.

Foolish Girl

2006-03-24T20:54:00.000+08:00

Foolish girl I am
Thinking I knew everything
When really
I knew nothing at all.

Foolish girl I am
Feeling too much than I should
Then again
How could I have not.

Foolish girl I am
Of ideas and bright, bold colours
I forgot
Life is not a dream.

Foolish girl I am
Desperately clinging to
Remnants of
Her naive, foolish self.

A foolish girl, I am.

***

"Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all."

- Both Sides Now , Joni Mitchell

Depressed, Bothered & Bewildered

2006-03-22T10:02:00.000+08:00

Insides tearing apart
I smile a smile
Hiding a conflicted heart
While slowly turning into a basketcase.

I see myself changing
But who will I be?
I don't recognise she
What will become of the Idealist me?
I don't want her to die.

Escape I find in the world of dreams
But sleep does not come easy now
Amidst all the art and beauty surrounding
There is much ugliness to be seen
Begging to be noticed
Refusing to be ignored.

Help me
I am slowly drowning
In the flood of my thoughts.

So tired.
Confused.
Helpless.

And so f*cking pissed off.

I am overwhelmed.

"I wish I had a river that I could skate away on." - River, Joni Mitchell

Full Throttle

2006-03-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

Formula One started off its 2006 season with a kick-ass race. Schumi got 2nd place, but it was a fantastic race throughout the way between himself and Alonso, the race champion. In the end it was actually just down to ONE SECOND in the pit-stop and Renault managed to outwit Ferrari this time.

Many wheel-to-wheel battles and overtaking maneuvers. Great debut performance for rookie Nico Rosberg for actually getting 2 points to his name on his maiden F1 race!

Did I mention Kimi drove from last position on the grid to a 3rd place on the podium? But Jenson Button didn't make it easy for him - he fought all the way to the chequered flag, but in the end, he had no choice but to settle for 4th place.

What an excellent race to kick start the season. Me is happy.

My Number One Formula

2006-03-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

MSC. RAI. BUT. BAR. *

My favourite men are back in action! Oh, how I've missed them so! I didn't realise how much I've missed them until I watched the Qualifying today. And guess what? Schumi is on Pole Position! Woo hoo! I hope this is a sign of better times ahead for Ferrari. Their abysmal performance last year was not enough to sustain my interest towards the end of the season amidst other distractions in life; for example, End of Semester exams. And now that they've revised the tyre regulations, they would have absolutely no excuse to underperform this season.

Poor Kimi's McLaren suffered from a rear wing and suspension problem so he'll have to start at the back of the grid. Why is it always HIS McLaren? Why not Juan Pablo's? (Yes, I am biased. :P) But that's okay. It'll make a good race for tomorrow 'cos Bahrain is an overtaking track and Kimi has pulled off amazing finishes from the back row before.

I can't wait! Gentlemen, start your engines. Let the 2006 Formula 1 season begin! :D

*These are the initials which appear on the tv screen when they race. MSC: Michael Schumacher, RAI: Kimi Raikkonen, BUT: Jenson Button, BAR: Rubens Barrichello. For more info on Formula 1 racing, click on the F1 links.

Journey To The East

2006-03-05T21:41:00.000+08:00

(or There And Back Again)

Went for a much needed and long anticipated holiday with the ex-housemates. It was great. We had so much fun, and so much to eat as well, hehe. Finally set foot on Borneo and went along the coastline, so yeah, I've had quite a taste of Sarawak (with a bit of Labuan and international flava of Brunei thrown in between), resulting in me becoming chubby. Sigh. 'Twas was worth it, though.

Here are several highlights of the trip:

Labuan - The War Memorial. Beautifully maintained by the Australian government, several epitaphs on the tombstone really moved me. And not to forget, Duty Free shopping. Heheh. Heheheh.

Brunei - Sitting on a speedboat without a life-jacket on (the horrors!) around Kampung Air, which literally translates to 'Water Village.' Quite an interesting way to live there. And the Royal Regalia, which is a museum of the Royal Family of Brunei's memorabilia and gifts received from leaders around the world. There was this replica of a mosque made from bits of mirror, given by some country's leader, which we thought would made an ultra cool disco ball, kekeke. Not to forget, playing Bumper Cars in Jerudong Park, a lovely theme park but unfortunately, its glory days were over.

Miri - I rather enjoyed the whole road trip experience to and fro Niah Caves. The whole Niah cave 'exploration' was fun, too, even though I wasn't very keen on it in the beginning. It somehow reminded me of my favourite fantasy books I've read, The Lord of The Rings and The Wheel of Time series, hehe. Sheena's mom's Sarawak Laksa and BBQ chicken wings. Yumm. And my very first Midin/Bilin meal, which made it to the list of 'Vegetables I actually enjoy eating'. Watching Desperate Housewives together, just like back in Vista. ;)

Sibu - Food, food, and more food. The quest for foot reflexology (don't ask). Did I mention food? Crashed a Senior Citizen convention in a restaurant, but hey, the food was great! :P

Kuching - Watching American Idol together, hehe. Sarawak Laksa. Duck mee. Yumm. Getting upclose and personal with Orang Utans ("Ook!"). The Cat Museum was absolutely delightful! (although Ade and 33 would beg to differ. They were cat-napping - pun intended :P - inside the museum instead.) As for Jong's crocodile farm and zoo, well... I still can't get the picture of the very sad and lonely Sun Bear out of my head. The poor creature. :( The Sarawak Cultural Village was a memorable experience, to say the least. ;)

Many thanks to Sheena, Ade and Grace & families for taking us under your roofs and made us feel welcomed as well as bringing us around town/city. Also thanks to Nikki & friend for bringing us around Labuan.

We had a blast. :)

Before Sunset - A Must Watch

2006-02-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

I was waiting to get my O.C. fix but somehow it didn't show. I felt disgruntled and decided to check out the other channels. Well, looks like everything happens for a reason. When the info box landed on HBO, it showed 'Before Sunset.' I thought to myself, "OMG could it be?" I clicked on 'OK' and yes, it WAS it!!!

Flashback to my A-Levels days...
I used to watch BBC's Talking Movies regularly back then (Friday, 9.30pm). It's a great show that highlights and reviews not just big-budgeted Hollywood movies, but foreign and indie movies as well. They also cover movie festivals, as in the movies themselves and not fashion or gossip like most entertainment shows. I discovered many gems from this show, like 'Pieces of April' (indie film starring Katie Holmes), Elephant (indie flick directed by Gus Van Sant) and Malena (starring Monica Belluci). But 'Before Sunset' takes the cake. FYI, this movie has won many film awards but I was already intrigued by this movie (which is a sequel) when I first heard about it in Talking Movies. I couldn't find it anywhere in KL (not even my source who sold me the indie and foreign fix) and I didn't notice it in Singapore.

Anyway, about the movie...
'Before Sunset' takes place 9 years after its predecessor, 'Before Sunrise.' So to understand Sunset, we must first have a picture about Sunrise.

In Sunrise, Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy) are two strangers who somehow met by chance and formed a connection with one another (I don't know how exactly- haven't watched it). They spent a beautiful, magical night together, just talking and... connecting. Like a missing jigsaw piece finally in place. Before sunrise, they vowed to meet up again. But something happened, and they never saw each other again. And they were also silly enough to not have exchanged phone numbers. They thought that they will never meet again. Or will they ever?

Moral of the story: Always exchange phone numbers with the person you think might be 'The One.'

Fast forward to 9 years after that night (December 16th, 1994). Jesse wrote a book about that once-in-a-lifetime night and it became a hit. He goes on a promo tour and he stopped in Paris. Hoping to see her again. And he did. She still remembers him (how could she not?!?!).

They spent the day together just talking, catching up with each other's lives, or rather finding out more about each other. They talked about the night, what they did with their lives after that, their feelings... a lot of re-connecting.

Okay here's a warning for those not into dialogues: It's ALL dialogue! In fact, it's truly a DIalogue, just between him and her. No supporting characters, no soundtrack, no stunts or silly gimmicks. Just him and her, talking along the streets of Paris, talking in a cafe, talking in a park, talking in a boat, talking in a car, talk, talk, talk...

And I absolutely adored it! The conversation and the chemistry felt real. You know, it's so natural to talk about anything with someone you can connect/click with. That was how smooth the conversation was. And the conversation topics were realistic. For example like in The O.C. or One Tree Hill, the script is obviously dramatised - teens do not talk like that. But in this movie, they are young 30 somethings, going through life at that age, and their conversation was realistic. Their thoughts were interesting, but not too intellectual to be inaccessible, their feelings were somewhat you can relate to, and the characters were articulate but not fake. Dammit, this is a damn well-written movie! I was fascinated by the characters, their lives. It was not even the least bit boring. I didn't want it to end.

It's a movie about two souls reconnecting. Simple and lovely, but very rare. Rare in real life, rare in the movies.

Go watch it. You won't regret it. Unless you hate chatty movies. Now I'm just gonna try to get my hands on both the Sunrise and Sunset vcds/dvds...

Not Quite My Fantasy, But...

2006-02-04T20:08:00.000+08:00

Dammit, the silly game is growing on me!

My first attempt at gaming started out pathetically. My character died within 20 minutes (with me, anything is possible), my controls were horrible, to say the least and my neck and wrists were aching from prolonged gaming posture. My initial thoughts regarding gaming were, "Gaming is soooo not for me" and "I will donate this to someone after this weekend." But I persevered, because being the cheap woman that I am, I wanted to go through the game once and get my 20 bucks worth (which I'd rather spend on ice-cream or another Radiohead CD).

But somehow, I managed to improve.

My character no longer moves around like a drunk (well, most of the time), my neck doesn't ache as much anymore, and I was finally smart enough to download the guide so I've stopped meandering aimlessly. Or at least, not as much. :P

This sudden fondness for the game is quite scary because basically, I don't have time for it. So I really don't wanna like playing it too much because I'm not that masochistic. I surprised myself by putting in more playing hours every day. This had got to stop.

So I devised this plan which I call 'binge playing.' I played for hours til my eyes were tired and I got sick of the soundtrack. I did this for two days in a row. Did it work?

YES, thank goodness!!!

And now, when Monday comes along, my life will be back to normal, i.e. sans Final Fantasy VII. But I hope to cultivate a new addiction then: spending quality time with my Harrison's. :)

Anyway, the week has been great. Finally finished a fiction, watched a movie or two (go watch Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle on Astro- it's hilarious!!!), discovered the wonders of The O.C. (shows about the Orange County rock! Laguna Beach, The O.C., a movie called Orange County starring Colin Hanks...), hung out with family and friends...

'Twas a great week, indeed. It's only when you're working that you start to appreciate bumming time. ;)

Toodles!

Lost In Transit

2006-01-31T22:54:00.000+08:00

Life is a journey. Yes, pretty cliched, but true. It moves on, day after day, without any delay. When it no longer does, it has then finally reached the destination also known as Death.

Sometimes, you work hard to reach a certain place in life. You work so hard, every day without fail. Highly motivated, you work.

Once you've reached there, happiness ensues. A sense of job well-done and satisfaction.

And then complacency sets in.

One feeling that could be as bad as failure would be apathy. With failure, at least you could be driven to work harder. But with apathy, you just don't care.

I was lost in transit for a while. I was going through the motions, but my heart was not in it. Somehow, I just lost interest. I could still remember the underlying motivation of everything, yet it still was not enough to spur me into action. Call it the laziness inertia or something. I was not doing things because I want and like to; I was doing it out of fear of failure. The train was slowly moving on, but I was still in the dark. It could only wait for so long.

Lucky for me, help came unexpectedly. A flicker of light shone dimly in the distance. It was small, and tiny, but it was still light, nevertheless. At last, a goal to achieve. Suddenly everything mattered now. It's both cool and scary to observe everything random (or so I thought) slowly falling into place.

I can see better now.

Time to pack my bags and get on this train headed to a new destination. I don't know what it holds, but I'm excited. And I'm determined to get there.

Watch this space. ;)

Shorts

2006-01-28T16:01:00.000+08:00

Home for CNY

Toshi was taken ill about 2 weeks ago. Actually it was already showing signs and symptoms of being unwell months ago, but I dismissed them as nothing major, just it being finicky. But that day when it rejected something it usually accepts, I knew it was time to take it to the 'hospital.' There, the 'doctor' ran a slipshod test on Toshi and concluded that nothing was wrong with it. I was upset and indignant when he called me up to inform me that - if there's really nothing wrong, I wouldn't have sent it there in the first place, right? I demanded that he tested Toshi with other things. Sure enough, something needed fixing. Waited for another week for its 'organ' replacement, and Toshi is now home, as good as new. Just in time for CNY.

Welcome home, Toshi. :)

Soton Beckons
Finally Soton's offer letter has arrived. To my surprise, I'll actually be leaving this country about a month earlier than expected. And looking at the school schedule, I realised that the holidays are short and scarce. I expected that already, since it's medicine and all, but I hope the timing of my hols and the other unis' will not clash. Otherwise, there goes our Christmas 2006 reunion plans. What a depressing thought.

I also found out that I WON'T be repeating the stuff I've learned here in Jalil Hill, but I'll nevertheless still be tested on them for my finals in July next year. WTF?!!? I have been bumming around all this while, banking on the (false) fact that I'll be revising again when I get there. Yes, I PLANNED to study during these hols, but executing that plan is much harder. I get tired after work and all I wanna do after dinner every time is watch American Idol and stone with the likes of Radiohead before sleeping. Weekends are reserved for fellow Maos before they start school. Maybe I'll need something to pep me up so I'll last longer for each day. Something like Yomeishu. Hmmm. Whatever it is, I need to start studying. After the CNY hols. Heheh. Heheheh.

I just bought Final Fantasy VII and I'm going to try a hand at computer gaming first. :P

A Decade Late
I just would like to recommend Radiohead's The Bends album. It was released in 1995. I have only discovered it now. :P But better late than never... Why am I endorsing it on my blog? Because good things in life must be shared.

Recipes Galore
Since it's sort of becoming a trend to put up recipes of stuff they made on the blog, I thought I'd jump into the bandwagon. Except that mine are a lil' different.

0.85% Saline Solution
0.85% means 0.85 g in 100mL. So if you wanna make 1L of 0.85% saline solution, first weigh 8.5 g of sodium chloride [ NaCl (s) ]. Put it in a 1L reagent bottle/conical flask and add 1L of distilled water to it. Dissolve salt completely. Voila!

I've also made nutrient broth for bacterial culture, coating, dilution, and washing buffers for ELISA test. I didn't take pictures of them 'cos they all look alike - clear solutions in reagent bottles. Except for nutrient broth, which is brown.

One Airport Goodbye Down, Two More To Go
Naddy, we miss you already.

I Dreamt of Baby
I dreamt 3 weeks ago that I was cradling a newborn. She was so cute, and I just cradled her in my arms. I felt so happy just looking at the baby, I didn't want to put her down. My arms ached when I woke up. :P

I told my friends about this dream and one of them looked up its meaning. Apparently there could be 3 interpretations: one, good health; two, good career; or three, someone close, ie family member/close friend, will have a baby.

I just found out that my sis-in-law is about a month pregnant. How uncanny is that?!?

I'm gonna be an aunt... :)

Happy Doggie Year
I truly believe that dogs could sniff out dog lovers. I was out with Maosix the other night and we were eating at this open air place. This dog was quite restless, walking about from one table to another. When it came to our table, it didn't bother to sniff me but instead went over to Maosix, sniffed her a bit and then settled down underneath her chair. So cute.

Happy Chinese New Year! Have a prosperous doggie year ahead! :D

All About Chemistry

2006-01-18T17:15:00.000+08:00

If you could still remember your A-Levels Chemistry/SPM Kimia, you'd know that the Transitional Elements (for eg, copper, iron, manganese...) are the colourful ones, whereas the other elements are of boring colours (like Group I elements- Na, K... are white. Remember?!?!?) . So usually when you mix chemicals with a transitional element in it, the solution would be of a pretty colour. But even though they may look dull, the Group I and II elements may give off lovely coloured flames when burned (barium = apple green... I can't remember the rest. :P )

Same principle could be applied to time. Before the exams, things were quite stable and routine. Sure, there were some impromptu, unexpected happenings during then (like, I don't know, going to UH A&E Dept at 12 midnight?) but there is a sense of predictability to those days. Wake up, study, get stressed, bitch about being stressed, try to relieve stress, study somemore, call Happy Cook for Lunch. Same cycle for the next major meal. I would call this the 'Group I time.' Predictable, but not quite sometimes.

Then after exams... oh,the time was awesome. Many things done everyday. Plans were made almost instantaneously. No worries at all. Just freedom. Spending time with your favourite people is one of the best things to do in life. Whole days were spent laughing and having fun. I didn't realise it was even possible. Time flew so quickly, yet it was only a month ago! But it feels distant now... So many sweet memories made. Wonderful, brilliant colours in my life. I call this the 'Transitional time.'

Things are settling down now, though. I've settled into my work routine (which happens to revisit my A-Levels Biology and Chemistry roots), Maosix has settled into her studying routine, Naddy is all set to leave for the Land of Aucks (so fast!!!) and Prem is going to be resettled all the way in Seremban and start school... It's less exciting, and a bit sad at times. I feel sad that I'll have to be separated with my friends. But that's life, I suppose. Can't react with the same mixtures all the time. Sooner or later, one of the substances would run out. Just gotta move on, and try experimenting with different reagents. I call this the 'Group II time.'

Now, I'm just waiting for that one element which would set off some sparks, hehehe...

But oh, such wonderful colours! I shall never forget them, ever. Unless I get Alzheimer's disease. I hope I won't. Okay. Whenever I want to see those colours again, I'll know exactly which elements to use. No need to experiment anymore. :)

Colours! Weeeeeee!! *stone* ;P

Those Big, Innocent Eyes

2006-01-05T22:56:00.000+08:00

No, I'm not writing about the eyes which serve as the background of this blog. According to general consensus, the word used to describe them would be 'freaky.' :P

I'm talking about the eyes of a child.

It's amazing when a child looks at you in the eye, his eyes opened widely. No smile, no words. Just looking. Full of innocence and trust. Umblemished and untainted by the unwholesomeness of the world.

Somehow, it brought joy to my heart. Little angel. :)

The Last Days of 2005

2006-01-02T15:05:00.000+08:00

The days after EoS were just surreal. Kept going out or just plain stoning. It was a novelty, spending December stress-free since it's the first time I do not have to worry about exams during this period. The days just went by in a blur. It took a while to recall the things we did then. Like, throwing maosix into the pool (btw, she is heavier than she looks) :P or celebrating Prem's birthday. Good times, they were.

My housemates and I always made an effort to celebrate Christmas every year, no matter how stressed out we might get. 2005 was a little bit different, though. Everyone was busy with their own agenda. Still had a Christmas dinner, though this time with the Cuckoo Gang. Prem is an excellent cook, as she is a defender. It was lovely, exchanging presents and emo cards. :)

Was very busy shopping as well. It was, by far, the most active post-exam hols I've ever spent. Usually, I'll be at home watching tv specials or just reading. This time, it was all about going out, stoning and shopping. It's fun shopping with a mission. There's a sense of satisfaction everytime a purchase was made. Unfortunately, KL was unable to provide us with everything that we needed...

... So we (moi, maosix, milliemao) decided to go down south in a spur of the moment (literally). On the way, watched a drug bust live before our eyes. There was a turpentine sniffer in the row right in front of us and somehow, a Customs Officer on leave and a retired Navy personnel happened to be in the same carriage. Upon search, a bottle of undiluted codeine was found. Drama ensued, handcuffs and all. And so we watched.

Met up with the convo mag editor there and we just walked, walked and walked. Found everything we were looking for. Had lunch on the ledges and dinner on the stairs. Bliss...

There were no fireworks to see that New Year's Eve on the train. The seats were uncomfortable to sleep in. But there was no place I'd rather be. :)

I don't know what 2006 may bring. But I shall always carry with me the memories of 2005.

Never expect, always hope. For there is always hope.

The Year That Was

2006-01-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

" It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

- Charles Dickens, A Tale Of Two Cities

And that, my friends, was 2005 for me. Dickens couldn't have put it better. So many lessons learned within 12 months. Lessons that no school could ever teach me, but only life. If someone is to ask me, which was your defining year? I would confidently say 2005. I've never cried so much, but I've never laughed so hard as well. The previous 21 years were... nice. But that's the problem with lukewarmness. Things somehow aren't as vivid unless you experience them to the extreme. That's what was different last year. I've experienced a whole range of emotions this year. And from anguish and pain to pure joy, I know I've never felt so alive.

To forgive and be forgiven. To be honest. To be true to myself. To find inner strength. To be not afraid to cry. To remain calm when surrounded with confusion. To surrender to God. To accept. To love and be loved. Unconditionally.

I am blessed. I am grateful for EVERYTHING that had happened to me in 2005. No regrets whatsoever.

Personal growth aside, Phase I has been good. My grades this year (Sem 4 and Sem 5) are somehow a reflection of my tumultous year but in the end, I pulled through when it mattered most. Going to IMU was one of the best decisions of my life. Dancing was the highlight back in Sem 1. But Futsal takes the cake for giving me the best IMU Phase I experience ever. It was through Futsal that I got to know many great individuals. And I actually got some exercise. :P I will never forget the various dinner parties we had, the things we did to survive exam stress, watching fireworks from the balcony, the stoning sessions...

Party of The Year: Definitely Post-IMU Ball Party 2005. I could see us still talking about it at our 10-year reunion. Heheh. Heheheh.

But of course, the constant highlights of everyday are these:

"Say goodnight, not goodbye
You will never leave my heart behind
Like the path, of a star
I'll be anywhere you are

In the spark that lies beneath the coals
In the secret place inside your soul
Keep my life, in your eyes
Say goodnight, not goodbye."

- Chantal Kreviazuk, Say Goodnight Not Goodbye

Goodnight.

Green Green Grass

2005-12-19T01:01:00.000+08:00

I went to this place the other night. It had a beautiful, well-tended garden. The grass was so green, and lush plants. There was also an atmosphere of calmness and serenity in the area. Was the garden prosperous because of the peacefulness of the house and its inhabitants? Or was the garden contributing to the sense of calmness? A symbiotic circle, I would say.

Who says the grass is always greener on the other side? Not all the time.

Grass are living beings like ourselves, so it falls sick as well when things don't go well. It's always easier to abandon a sick patch of grass for greener pastures.

But sometimes, all it needs is just time to heal. I say, green grass cultivated with love and patience is the most beautiful. :)

Endurance Test

2005-11-25T20:35:00.000+08:00

Hey, check this out:

They are the Wolong Clan in San Diego zoo. Aren't they the cutest thing? A whole family of pandas. Do you see me there? I'm the one on the furthest right (the fattest one). Look properly.

Yes, I have morphed into a panda. All the stress and fitful sleep had taken a toll on my youthful good looks. I now have perpetual dark rings under my eyes. If you don't look at me properly, you might think that I'm a stowaway from California. Or China, for that matter.

This End of Semester exams is now a test of endurance. Sometimes I feel like collapsing and never getting up again. But I tell myself to plod on, and to have faith...

No, I'm not gonna give up. Not now. I want to reach my goal. I want it so badly. There's only two weeks left. I can make it. I know I can.

Wanna win it, wanna score.

All the best to everyone. We are all in this together, and we are going to do well. Together.

"But you be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work." - 2 Chronicles 15:7

Frustrated Inc. / Tagged!

2005-11-18T21:01:00.000+08:00

Time and myself have always had a love-hate relationship. Too much of it, I take it for granted and waste it away. This would then lead to resentment, as I would be thinking of various activities I would love to do with my time, but could not due to various constraints. I'll then end up depressed for a while.

These days, time has been very precious to me. I've been trying to hoard all the time to myself, but at the same time, I'm not. This is what exams could do to a person. So little time, so much to cover... But all the studying is slowly driving me crazy...

Times like these, I do not like to waste time. So imagine my frustration when HOURS were spent on a particular activity which I do not find particularly beneficial to myself. I'm beginning to hate it now, the way I used to hate it last time because it made me feel stupid. And I hate wasting time especially when there's so little to go around now.

Or maybe I'm just too tired.

I'm tired of being tired.

***

Anyway, I got tagged by Elena! Oooh, my first time being tagged! How exciting! Hehehe...

1. Total number of books you own
Hmm... A LOT, counting all my Enid Blyton books of my childhood and Sweet Valley Twins series, hehehe. Definitely not as many as Elena's collection, but not too bad either. Kid lit rocks!

2. The last book you bought
Oooh, easy! Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince!!! The object that helped me keep my cool during a scary period. *ahem* I love Harry Potter.

3. The last book you read
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, haha! I wanted to read the book first before watching the movie. Both versions were equally entertaining in their own ways.

"Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. " - the best line in the movie, in my opinion

4. 5 books that mean a lot to me

Hmmm... tough choices. In no particular order...

i. Watership Down by Richard Adams. Rabbit life never seemed more interesting and intriguing. A testament of good writing.

ii. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J. K. Rowling. I read this before HP was big in Malaysia and fell in love with it immediately. The book which introduced me to Harry's world, a world I love escaping to. My copy of this book is now considered 'lost', something I regret. Oh well. I'll just buy a new copy next year.

iii. The Periodic Table by Primo Levi. Do not be fooled by the boring sounding title. This is sort of an autobiographical account of Primo Levi, a Jewish Italian chemist during WWII. His profession and skills as a chemist kept him alive in Auschwitz. His life experiences are described in separate, stand-alone chapters, each named according to an element in the periodic table. It was interesting to read how each particular life experience would somehow have a connection with an element, whether the experience bore similarities to the element, or the element somehow played an important role. There's also a chapter written about Carbon in first-person account!

How did I get to know about this book? For those who did A-Levels Chemistry, this book was mentioned in the introduction of, surprise surprise, The Periodic Table chapter in Chemistry in Context. ;)

iv. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. Of desires and expectations, this book is filled with memorable characters, dealing with issues which are still relevant today. There's a good dose of humour peppered throughout the book as well, making it an enjoyable read.

v. Boy and Going Solo by Roald Dahl. His children's stories are okay, his adult fiction is just awesome but it is his autobiographical works that made me fell in love with him. This book is a 2-in-1 edition, chronicling his childhood and his days as an RAF pilot. There's something so beautiful and touching about the simplistic way he wrote about his past. Mr Dahl has lead an extraordinary life. Reading this book had inspired me to want to do extraordinary things in my life and create memories worthy of a book like that.

5. Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their blogs
Okay! I tag Raj, Adlina, Ken Lin, Ivy Lam and DrTS!!! Hehehe...

***

Suddenly I feel much better now. Not so frustrated anymore. :)

Forgotten Pictures

2005-11-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

Was transfering the pics on my camera phone to my computer today (must... take... a break... from studying... ugg...) . Thought I'd share them with y'all... :)

***

Went to Sekinchan and Kuala Selangor for the first time. It was also my first time hanging out with Maosix and her best friends, Maohai and Milliemao. Riding a 'tramp' with them was so much fun. I had a blast of a time. :)

***

I remember this. The orientation for M1/05. The crap they had to go through... literally. *chuckles*

***

This was the day when Ad and I decided to erm, appreciate the arts for a bit. We visited Laman Seni at the National Arts Gallery compound (every first Saturday of every month, 8am to 5pm) which is a bazaar of art works. After walking through the bazaar, we went for a rock show inside the Gallery.

Modern art is so not for me.

At night, we went for a puppet theatre. It was an adaptation of Antoine de Saint Exupery's The Little Prince. I've never watched a puppet theatre before and I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself there. The story was simple, yet so beautiful. And it was only RM12 (student price)!!

***

IMU had a fire drill! Like, for real! Here are photographic evidences.

***

An unintended science experiment from the fridge. :P

***

Daniel coming for lectures in red-checkered shorts. TR made me take this pic!

***

This lizard was climbing the fence at the Bandar Tasik Selatan KTM Komuter station. Huge, innit?

... and this was taken at the Masjid Jamek LRT station. The old couple were holding hands. Isn't that the sweetest thing? :)

Ciao.

Open Doors

2005-10-30T18:17:00.000+08:00

When I study, I run away with my imagination in between studying sometimes. It's a healthy way to cope with stress, I suppose.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the future. I'm not surprised 'cos now that I know where exactly I'll be this time next year, my daydreams now have more... substance? to them. But lately, it hasn't just been confined to just the usual UK dreams, but it has crossed continents as well.

It just hit me that the world is there for me, waiting to be explored. That there are so many different experiences out there, waiting to be lived. Why limit myself to anything? Why limit myself at all?

Time to make plans. But not now. Now, must concentrate on studying for EoS exams first.

SIGH.

A Contract

2005-10-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

I, YK Chan, solemnly promise to not log on to MSN Messenger at all from today onwards until December 15, 2005 and not engage in the time-wasting activity otherwise known as idle chatting. No matter how stressed out I might get, I will find other ways to chill instead of talking shit online. Should I break this promise with myself, I will bar myself from watching the season finale of Laguna Beach Season 2 before December 15, 2005. A terrible punishment, indeed.

Signed by YK Chan.

Witnessed by the readers of this blog.

P/S- I love Elton John. Muahahaha.

Against The Odds

2005-10-23T02:32:00.000+08:00

So far this year, every significant drama/event that happened to me, it happened against the odds. What was expected to happen, whatever which had greater probability of happening statistically... did not happen. So when it comes to the Partner Medical School (PMS) Matching result, the same rule should apply. But not in the way I thought it would work.

My first choice was a long shot. The university ranks the students according to academic achievements alone. My results are good, but not outstanding. Plus, the class's top students were competing for the places as well. But maybe... just maybe... I might get a place. You know, against the odds? :P

Choice number two was a safer bet. Nobody ranked it first. And among those who ranked it second, I felt that I was more competitive (as compared to the long shot 1st choice).

The other universities ranked from #3 onwards did not seem likely as a lot of people have ranked them 1st or 2nd, and they have competitive grades as well.

So, mathematically speaking, I should get uni #2.

"God, I really have no idea where I'm going. But wherever I get, please help me be happy with it and accept the path You have chosen for me." (the night before the matching results were out.)

Result:

I got into uni #3.

When I first saw the words, I was afraid. I was very afraid. Because TR wanted to go there so badly. She ranked it 1st and was dreaming about the place since A-Levels. If I had taken a seat away from her... *shudder*

But it turns out that it was God's plan that we were supposed to go there together and I couldn't ask for a better future house/roommate there. :)

The other two housemates are going to attend the same unis as well. How uncanny is that?!!?

My thoughts on the uni itself:
Well, my top three choices were deliberately chosen for their happy, cheerful environment and lifestyle. The best part about uni #3 is that I get to save money on winter clothing (very important as I almost froze to death in Genting) and thus, have more money for travelling! Yay! And the more I think about it, the more I realise that I was actually meant to go to there. :)

It's gonna be painful, separating with my best friends, each on opposite ends of the Earth and the Equator. But it's okay 'cos we'll be friends forever. :)

What my experiences this year have thought me is that the next WEEK can be very unpredictable, let alone next year. But I'm hopeful and optimistic. And one can never go wrong with that.

Against the odds, eh? ;)

I Can't Deny The Fact That You Like Me! You Like Me!

2005-10-09T12:30:00.000+08:00

"I went over to Yee Sin's place to settle some squash stuff. His place was full of cheerleading materials." (Ken Lin's explanation for glitter on her face)

"Hey, I need to go back to pass something to Ivy for a while."

"Oh, look who I bumped into at the lobby? Ken Lin!"

"Me as usual-lah. The two I dunno." (to my question, "Hey, where are you guys?")

"I went to settle my income tax stuff." (what Ken supposedly did on Friday afternoon)

"I want to go eat mamak in Subang!" (Prem's sudden weird craving)

Oh, the lies! The yarn they spun! Such fibs! But the worst part... I actually fell for each and everyone of them! And I did not suspect a thing. Not a word!

I went home on Friday night with Ken Lin and Prem. Prem supposedly desperately needed to empty her bladder so she entered the house first. After a while, she didn't come down. I thought she got lost in my room or something (I wouldn't put it past her :P). So I went up to my room, and found this...

I was just stunned.

#1- It wasn't my birthday yet.

#2- I would expect them to do something at my Jalil Hill place, but definitely not here.

It was so beautiful. Purple and pink, such pretty colours. There were Post-It notes everywhere. On them were messages from my batchmates. And the homemade picture frames with various cut-outs were so lovely. The purple lights were so pretty (very nice to stone in :P).

I was speechless for a while. And then I cried. :P

Did you notice the "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHAN" hanging across the room? It wasn't bought but manually cut, each and every letter. The glitter was manually applied on the letters and the picture frames. The streamers and crepe roses were hand-crafted as well.

They spent 4 hours on a hot Friday afternoon- in a non air-conditioned room, where the fan was not switched on as well because the papers would fly away- decorating the room. Prior to that, they spent time cutting the decos and pics and applying glitter...

They spent more than 7 hours +++ working on this surprise instead of studying for NS and EoS!!!!!

This surprise meant a lot on that Friday, cos earlier that week, I was experiencing psycho mood swings and was getting upset and emo over the silliest things. I was afraid that it might affect our friendships... and then they sprang up with this.

My warmest thanks to (in no particular order) Sheena, Ken Lin, Prem and Nadia, for doing this for me. I'll never forget it. Especially since I've taken many photographs in various lightings ala CSI to document the night. :) You guys rock to the max and know that I love you all very, very much, okay?

As for those who wrote messages for me, thank you. They are treasured. I'll be keeping them in my diary. :)

Thank you for loving me.

And thank You, God, for Your blessings in life.

"Sini tak ada Ah Mooi!" :P

*** for those who don't get the meaning of the title, it was a part of actress Sally Field's Oscar acceptance speech. ;)

Foxes Unleashed

2005-09-24T19:25:00.000+08:00

For The Love Of The Game

Imagine a bunch of girls, playing futsal religiously almost every week, paying money to run and kick a ball around. Each session lasting 2 hours, with lots of lepak-ing done together after each session at the mamak/kopitiam. For two years.

Some say we are an extremely kiasu bunch, training so early on to ensure victory in the Cup. But who are we kidding? If we do not enjoy each others' company nor the sport itself, we wouldn't even bother to meet up to play at all.

Throughout these 2 years, we have grown so much, in terms of our bond and our skills. We have experienced different tournaments together, each with its unique memories- thrashed by She-Males (Pharmaton), earned the rep as the most good-looking team (Rexona), shaming our clinical school counterparts (Goodwill Games), winning 2^nd and 3^rd places among other private unis/colleges (MAPCU). Together, we made futsal an integral part of our lives. Something we shall always cherish and remember from our uni days.

For this year's IMU Cup, it wasn't just about winning anymore; it was also a celebration of friendship.

Date: September 22, 2005

We were nervous, despite all of our experiences behind us. We wanted to win so badly, to leave the uni's futsal scene on a high note. Capt'n Maosix gave an empowering speech on how we should inspire each other on the court to perform our best. I had this idea of winning with style and class- it was a known fact we had the overall best skills and best teamwork in the school. We would show the juniors how this sport is ought to be played.

Thunders rolled in the background that afternoon. It always rains on Female Futsal day.

"Hahahaha. Yes we are going to win today. We are going to win." - Capt'n Maosix, 2.02pm

Warming Up... and then Some More

After 2 hours of lecture, it was off to the futsal courts. Sheena was bouncing off the walls with nervousness ("I want chocolate, I want chocolate, must go buy chocolate..."). The rest were quietly nervous, butterflies flying in their stomachs. As for me, I was nervous too, but there was also a calmness in me. It was either that or I was still stoned from HA's Cranial Nerves lecture. :P We arrived there at 7pm and warmed-up at the parking lot area. Our first match was due at 8pm. Or so we thought.

First match was against Sem 4. They were 15 minutes late. The quiet calmness in me gave way to "I’m gonna kick your ass as well as the ball" kinda anger. Such tardiness. Their match was supposed to be forfeited as a rule, giving us a walkover win of 3-0. But we decided to play anyway because the Cup was about goodwill and sportsmanship among batches. However, looking back, perhaps the walkover was probably a better choice for the Sem 4s...

... For we thrashed them 6-0. Again. As usual, our starting match was in scatters. Positioning was a bit off. But so what? Capt'n Maosix and Ning still celebrated like crazy after each goals. :) They were on fire. After 5 minutes playing, my anger gave way to laughter. The sixth goal was a bit of a sham though, the goal let in by the Sem 4 goalkeeper herself. It was quite a painful watch. Oh well. They should have practiced more, I suppose.

Sem 5 vs Sem 4: 6 - 0

Getting ready for a bit of rugby

Our next group match was against the Sem 3s, notorious for their contact game-play. We were ready to play a physical match. As Chee Wing advised, "If they play physical, you guys play physical too."

They were aggressive but as I mentioned before in my post "Smells Like Team Spirit" last year, aggression is no substitute for skills. During this match, they scored 2 goals against us (funnily, by the only non-aggressive player in the team) but we were never afraid of losing. We never lost the lead at any point. Capt'n Maosix have already ingrained in us the importance of recovering from our slip-ups quickly and move on, and I feel that it was one of our strengths - our positive attitudes and mental strength. There's also a dose of cockiness, I must admit, hehe, but I'd rather call it candour. We ARE undoubtedly the better team. BTW, Capt'n Maosix and a few others sustained nasty bruises on their ARMS (futsal is played with LEGS, for goodness sake) from this match. Grrrr.

"The Sem 5s could be beaten after all." - one of the Sem 3s.

Oh really? Didn’t see that happening.

Sem 5 vs Sem 3: 4 - 2

Surprise, surprise!

It was no surprise that we were in the semis. If we weren't, something would have to be seriously wrong. Prior to this match, Capt'n Maosix suddenly requested for me to dorsiflex her right foot. Uh oh. Not good. But she insisted that she was fine.

The Sem 1 girls only got together to play the day before for an hour for the first time. Yet, despite this information, we didn't underestimate them because they could spring up some surprises. And they sure did. What they lacked in experience, they made up with two Singapore national players with super stamina. They ran up and down without tiring and because they were sports people, they somehow knew how to position themselves. I was huffing and puffing trying to keep up with them. Though my stamina has definitely improved from last year, it was no match with theirs. My passes became clearances. I was glad I was taken out when I was.

Capt'n Maosix had a terrible fall during the first half of the match. Her feet seized up and she was in agonizing pain. It was bad seeing her in that condition. :(

Our second goal against Sem 1 was memorable. Ning converted a free kick. It was a beautiful one. :)

Sem 5 vs Sem 1: 2 - 0

A Test of Trust, Belief and Faith

There was a break in between the Semis and the Finals. Capt'n Maosix was still in pain. It was funny to see her being whisked off to an airier place by Aravindra ala newlyweds :P, but it was heartbreaking to see her that way. We were to meet Sem 2 in the Finals, as expected. But our captain, the most psychotic one bent on winning and our main goal scorer, was down. It was disheartening to see her immobilized by pain. But it also strengthened our resolve - we will win the gold for her.

Semester 2 was undeniably strong. A team of five with three superstars (one, incidentally a potty-mouth who cusses the ball as well. Lawaks. :P) and a disposable defender, they posed the biggest threat to us. They are known to take shots from the midline. However, futsal is a team sport, not a game of individual skills. And we would soon demonstrate that fact to them.

Priya scored the winning goal early in the match. Woo hoo! It was clear that although the superstars were good, they were tired. They were taking shots that were completely off target and the potty-mouth was on a roll, haha! It was hilarious watching her launching a tirade on an inanimate object. Our Pokok, instead of remaining static like her name ("I malas nak lari"- her favourite phrase during practice) ran absolutely everywhere, trying hard to score another goal for us.

I entered in the second half and my job was to guard one of the superstars. I'm proud to say that I did quite a good job. I only managed to have contact with the ball four times during the game, but this also meant that she couldn't get the ball either. My lil crab dance has served its purpose. :D

I don't recall being tensed during that particular match, just intensely focused. But I could understand why the crowd of supporters were. Looking back at the video of the match, things certainly looked scary.

Cartoon moment of the match: Terreh landing on me and everybody else. Thank goodness Shuj wasn't underneath her and cleared the ball away. Thank goodness we could laugh about it now. Had the ball rolled in...But it didn't. :)

We defended to the max after the first goal. That was our strategy. And it worked.

"Ken Lin, we will win it for you!!!" - her emo friends

And we did.

Sem 5 vs Sem 1: 1 - 0

Victory is Ours

It felt like the longest match ever. And actually, it was. The match went on 5 minutes longer than it should because the timekeeper basically forgot about the time (Geez...). When the referee blew the whistle, that was it.

Last year, there was a rush of euphoria. We were just ecstatic to win the gold. But this time, the celebrations were more subdued. We were happy, but in a more... grown-up manner, I suppose. We wanted to defend our title and we went out to do just that. A quiet sense of satisfaction of a job well-done. Our final tournament together, as a team. We played our hearts out and it showed. I will always remember our fighting team spirit.

"Who is the best? M-2-0-3!!!!"

We Were Never Alone

There was no Red Sea this year but nevertheless the supporters definitely made their presence felt. Cheering and clapping loudly, jumping up and down the wooden platforms, grabbing and tugging the nets like madmen... you guys definitely gave us energy to play that night. Thank you for sacrificing your studying time to lend us your strength and courage. We truly appreciate it.

As for our coaches, oh my, how can we ever thank you guys enough? All the time and effort spent on training us... we would never have reached this level if it weren't for you guys. A very huge thank you to:

Soon Liang - For believing in us since the very beginning, even though we were so crappy then. You taught us the basics, which are the most important part of anything. Your dedication and patience have helped us grow. Thank you.

Ken Jay - You made us think, and that became one of our strengths. You have a way of pointing out our mistakes- we never felt offended or stupid by your feedback. Instead we felt like laughing at ourselves and at the same time, be more aware of our actions on the pitch, thus, enabling us to improve. Thank you.

Jeremy - You taught us skills like headers and volleys. I still remember KKB. :) These skills definitely came in handy. Our team did the most headers that night. :P Also the trainings using the orange cones.. Thank you.

Faiz - Coach Garang, you stepped up our training to the next level. Your crazy stamina-building exercises were torturous, but definitely beneficial. Your teachings on passing and playing the game were invaluable. Your passion for the game and our team was inspiring. Thank you.

We've Come A Long, Long Way Together

There was a time when we couldn't kick the ball straight. Heck, we couldn't even kick the ball properly then. There was a time when we would pancit just after 20 minutes. There was a time we would run around the pitch like chickens, chasing the ball. There was a time when we hadn't imagined that we would be the school champions.

This gold was much more personal to me this time, for there was also a time when I thought I would not be able to play for the Cup this year.

We have come a full circle, from us completely relying on Ken Lin alone to carry the team back in Semester 1, to her completely putting her faith on us to carry the team to the gold medal in Semester 5. An apt ending to a glorious 2 1/2 years together.

We've come a long, long way together
Through the hard times and the good.
I have to celebrate you baby,

I have to praise you like I should.

-- Fatboy Slim, Praise You

Especially dedicated to my teammates Svelte, Maosix, Terreh, Pokok, Ning, DSY, Shuj, GC, Priya and other members of the club who have brought much fun and enthusiasm to the sport such as Elena and Aiesha.

I've had the time of my life. Thank you for the memories.

The Psychotic Pack of Red Foxes
Above (L-R): Shuj, Terreh, Priya, Yangon, GC
Bottom (L-R): Maosix, Pokok, Svelte, DSY, Ning

Coaches (L-R): Faiz, Soon Liang, Jeremy, Ken Jay

Win, Lose or Draw

2005-09-17T17:09:00.000+08:00

Winning is always fun. It feels great to be on the jubilant side.

Our Sem 5 boys beat the crap out of the Sem 1 boys in football last week, 8-1. They weren't even at their best. That felt good. :) Congrats, guys!

IMU A and IMU B won their first round meets of Physio Quiz at UM last week too. Both teams gave a great fight in the 2nd round, against the eventual champions and 2nd runner up. We all could answer most of the questions in the Finals. That felt good too. :) Congrats to all of us.

Although losing may feel sore sometimes, I don't mind losing in certain things. For example, in a game of Taboo. Especially if you are paired with Prem. How 'Nanyang Technology University' is guessed as 'University of Soya Sauce' is just amazing. :P Games like these are worth losing, just for the whole funny and memorable experience. :)

Our girls futsal team won gold last year. We want to win gold again. I hope we will. But whatever the outcome is, let's make this last IMU Cup experience a pleasant one and give the other teams a heck of a fight. This is the last time we'll all play together in an official tournament as a team. Make it a spank-tastic one, girls. ;)

Roll of The Dice

2005-09-04T14:33:00.000+08:00

Life is a game of odds. Of all the permutations of various outcomes in life, one inevitably takes place. The clock ticks on, and everything falls into place. Slowly but surely. Some expected, some not. In a strange design of ordered chaos, everything that must happen, happens. Cause and effect. Inevitability.

What are the chances of a man being struck by lighting?

What are the chances of being run down by a drunk driver?

What are the chances of winning the lottery?

What are the chances of surviving a plane crash on a mysterious island?

Mere statistics?

Circumstances do occur against the odds. But how likely is that?

Certain things require a leap of courage. Some, a leap of faith. In the end, it all boils down to the roll of the dice by the hands of God.

"Luck, be a lady tonight."

The Simple Life

2005-08-20T13:06:00.000+08:00

This upcoming week, I will experience the true meaning of Self-Directed Learning. Hmmm. Stay away or I'll nuke you. Muahahahaha!!!

Whatever-lah. Just as long as I don't miss the season finale of 'Lost.' It's ending on this Thursday. Sob.

Yes, 'Lost' is awesome tv series. Been watching it since the very 1st episode and it has been my guilty pleasure, reward, motivation factor, positive reinforcement, whatever BS term you can think of... alongside 'Laguna Beach' (oh, how I miss the drama!). It's amazing how an hour of television could make my weekend.

Speaking of life's simple pleasures, I was nurturing my inner child today by visiting the games arcade and a toy store. It was fun strolling in the toy store, watching the displays of various toys. But it was more enjoyable watching children browsing through the simple (albeit overpriced) contraptions and deriving so much joy at the prospect of owning them. I saw this little girl who looked so happy becoming the proud owner of a My Little Pony. It was funny to see how a green plastic horse could elicit such strong reaction, but it was also heartwarming at the same time.

Ah, the innocence and simplicities of childhood.

As we grow older, things get more complicated. Some are more affected- they get jaded, bitter, angry. But it ain't necessarily so.

Maybe all we need to do is just let our inner children play in the sun once in a while. :)

Going Places

2005-08-13T14:52:00.000+08:00

But where?

If there's one thing I've learned from the previous month, it'll be this: expect the unexpected.

"Kita hanya boleh merancang. Hanya Tuhan yang menentukan."

But I know this for sure: God's timing is ALWAYS perfect. And that He has a plan for me.

^"5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Alive

2005-08-13T14:44:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I kicked ball...

Last evening, during Futsal, I've never felt so alive. Great game, girls!

I am grateful for my health and able body. I have been blessed with love. I could not ask for more.

Thank You.

Reality Check

2005-06-10T10:03:00.000+08:00

What is real and what is not... sometimes I get confused. No, I'm not a schizophrenic. But I feel like one though, occasionally.

The truth is based on the person's perception. So if I pretend very hard that something does not exist, does it make it non-existent? Or vice versa. But it's still (not) there, isn't it?

The mind tends to play tricks on us. A part of the human defense mechanism. When something hurts so bad, subconsciously and automatically, we'd try to cushion the blow by telling ourselves encouraging words and subtly changing scenarios in our heads. Words and actions that would soothe our dented pride and ego. That's all well and fine at the beginning but what becomes when you get carried away and continue to live in denial and the suppression of a memory? That's not real, is it? Living in pretenses, in a lie...

I watched Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind (starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet; written by Charlie Kaufman) the other night (it's a bloody brilliant movie, btw.) To quote the Astro guide, it is a movie about "break-ups, breakdowns and breakthroughs." The plot was basically about erasing painful memories to enable the clients to move on with their lives. The illusion of a painless life. But once the truth is out, it's crash landing and back to square one, innit? The movie is much more than that but I shan't spoil it for you all. Go watch it. ;)

So, again... what is the truth? How does a person get back to living in reality when he/she isn't sure what reality is? Such doubts could really drive one crazy if one really thinks about it. I want to see the light. I want to deal with the truth. Wait. Am I not doing that already? Or maybe I think I'm doing that already but actually I'm not? Or maybe we are all living in The Matrix… :P God, I'm so confused.

"Be grateful for your scars, Will, for our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real." – Hannibal Lecter, Red Dragon

That's food for thought.

The Rabbit-Hole Beckoned... For The Last Time

2005-06-10T09:57:00.000+08:00

It was the ultimate KKB experience. Ultimate because:
a) it was the last one.
b) it was the most memorable one among the three.

It's amazing how a simple red ball could make a dreary trip to the Rabbit-Hole something enjoyable and fun. But it wasn't really just the red ball, but rather the people it brought together. It really doesn't matter where you go, but it's the company you keep that determines the amount of fun you experience.

There is NOTHING at the Rabbit-Hole. That's why I call it the Rabbit-Hole. I was lucky that my group overlaps with other groups consisting of my fellow footie kakis. When Karen first suggested training (for MAPCU) in KKB, I was thinking murderous thoughts because it meant packing extra clothes and shoes AND giving up my evening naps which were staple to me during the previous two trips there. Everything changed when the ball made contact with my right foot on the field. Kicking the ball, running around getting sweaty and laughing a lot with people I like really turned things around. After getting all hot and sweaty, taking a cold shower was really refreshing and it was nice having dinner feeling all freshened up.

The first two evenings were spent with Karen, Foxxy, S Ning and other footie playing chicks from Group B. Jeremy and Ken J gave us some training and S Ning is now the Header Queen. ;) On Wednesday evening, there was no footie 'cos the Group B people went home and there weren't enough people to play. Tried to improve my non-existent stamina by going jogging... ended up pancit. :P Jackie, Yi Wei, Rabbito and co came down on Thursday evening and my, I played the funniest game of football ever! Well, for one thing, goodness knows what happened, but I just couldn't receive the ball at all! I couldn't stop the ball coming from the air, I couldn't stop the ball rolling on the ground... heck, I couldn't even kick the ball properly! So there I was being Captain Cartoon. I really couldn't stop laughing at myself. :P And then there was Yi Wei with her funny sound effects and Daniel’s kecoh-ness… I never laughed so hard before. :D

My last night was spent with the gals- boozing and yakking 'til the wee hours of the morning.

Friendship, camaraderie and football - what better way to enjoy the KKB experience? :)

Order 66

2005-05-26T13:06:00.000+08:00

Warning: Spoilers for Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith ahead.

Betray:
a. To give aid or information to an enemy of; commit treason against: betray one's country.
b. To deliver into the hands of an enemy in violation of a trust or allegiance: betrayed Christ to the Romans. (source: Dictionary.com)

Betrayal. One of the most terrible things man could commit. Betrayal, no matter how 'noble' one's intention or justification was, is always wrong. No matter what the magnitude of the betrayal is, whether it leads to the annihilation of the Jedi or is just a lie, an act of betrayal is an act of betrayal is an act of betrayal.

What makes betrayal so vile? It is because it is trust broken- deliberately, voluntarily, consciously.

Trapped in a dreadful situation, Anakin was forced to make a difficult decision. Where should his allegiance go? Which is more important- the greater good of mankind, or him not losing his wife to death but ultimately betraying the Light?

Padme: "Oh Anakin, what are you going to do?"

You'd think it'd be a no-brainer. Yes, very difficult situation, I know. It is never easy to give up something one loves dearly. A great sacrifice, it is. But this is where a person is tested, to see what he/she is made of.

Self vs being Selfless- a constant struggle within all men.

Anakin was weak. And it didn't help that he was effectively being brainwashed by Darth Sidious. But I do not despise Anakin for turning evil per se. I despise his character because he ALLOWED himself to be corrupted. He chose to walk into the Dark Side for his own selfish purpose despite the terrible price. The last straw was when he wanted to kill Obi-Wan, his sifu. That was just too much.

This is Star Wars. In real life, evil does not make itself as obvious and hideous as Darth Sidious. It works in a much subtler manner. Our inner demons whisper suggestions into our ears. Their names? Pride. Arrogance. Jealousy. Fear. Their voices could never be hushed. But there is always a choice- whether to listen and heed their cowardly input, or to just ignore them and remain strong and true.

I pray that should I find myself to be in a difficult situation in the future, God would grant me the strength and wisdom to do the right thing, no matter difficult or unpopular the decision may be. So that difficult situation may never involve the greater good of the planet or galaxy... but you know what I mean. ;P

Darth Vader- what a lame-ass sap.

May the Force be with you.

P/S- As you can tell, I'm totally into the movie. That's why I got a bit emo and carried away, hehe. :P

Road Map

2005-05-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

Many directions, many destinations. Everyday, every moment, we choose just one.

The what-could-have-beens and what-should-have-beens... the ifs and maybes.

Do parallel universes exist, with all the other possibilities taking place? Do you sometimes wonder if you could visit that place and find out?

We plan the road map of our lives so carefully but inevitably, we make detours. Some are good for the soul, lovely sights and great people. But sometimes you lose control and end up fallen in a ditch. And ahh, the ditches... it ain't fun getting all muddy with cuts and bruises all over. Then you have to get up, get rid of whatever you're riding on and just plod on with your own 2 feet. But surprise, surprise... you realise that sometimes all you really needed was a nice, good walk. Although, when you're exhausted and the road ahead seems so long, walking would be the last thing on your mind...

How do I know if I'm moving on the right path?

The what-could-have-beens and what-should-have-beens... the ifs and maybes.

I just gotta trust God that I'm travelling on the right path towards the ultimate destination, detours notwithstanding.

Ass Spanking-tastic!

2005-05-24T16:29:00.000+08:00

This post is especially dedicated to members of my team, Queers & Co.* - comprising of Capt'n KLin aka Jackie*, Prem aka Karen*, SNing, Ade Teo and our keeper, The Roommate (TR). We participated in the inter-batch (sort of) Futsal tournament last friday night, and it was fun! Exhausting... but fun, nevertheless.

Initially, it didn't look like it, though. The tourney took off a jittery start for our team. Jackie was exhausted and feeling nauseated. Karen did not eat for the whole day and was suffering from a migraine. I was in a foul mood because of the stupid Renal Assessment. TR was late, which added to our nervousness. We were nervous because... there were 6 matches to play and we have only 1 substitute (not by choice). And we weren't exactly in the best shape to play...

1st Match: Queers & Co. vs Malakeing Suso (Sem 4)
This team is hot. They look oh-so-hot in their pink tops and shorts. And they play pretty hot too.

The match was quite slow (our first matches are always slow. SIGH.) and we found ourselves defending more than we like. But of course, with the onslaught of Naddy and Priya as strikers of Malakeing Suso, we have to defend a lot. But we could have attacked more as well. Jackie scored 1 goal and the ass-spanking* began.

Result: 1-0 (Queers & Co. won)

2nd Match: Queers & Co. vs Kaki Bangku (Sem 4)
Kaki Bangku?!?!? What a misnomer. With Sunila the Gila Striker in the team and other good players like Shuj and Grace, this team can definitely play futsal and score lotsa goals too! But I am happy that we managed to hold our own.

Result: 1-1

3rd match: Queers & Co. vs Transformers (Sem 1)
We weren't sure of how this match would turn out. This wasn't Sem 1's best team but we must never underestimate our opponents. And Jackie had to sit this match out 'cos she was just too tired and we had 4 more matches to go. This lead to a change in positioning- I took over Jackie's place as Centre while Ade played defence in my place.

Well, this match is special to me because I scored my very first goal in an official tournament. :) SNing scored the first goal. Second goal was from yours truly. I never expected to score a goal, really. But I kept on running forward because I couldn't find the opportunity to pass to SNing. When I got close enough to the goal, I could hear the people on the sidelines yelling, "Take a shot! Take a shot!" and I thought, "Oh well, what the heck." And it went in. Yay!!

It was nice getting my ass-spanked, hehe. :D

Okay, enough of that. Got a bit carried away there, hehehehe... I'll stop.

Result: 2-0 (Queers & Co. won)

There's a break before the 4th match and I think it was a wee bit too long and I didn't warm-up properly... which lead me to suffer from horrible cramps on both sides of my calves. :(

4th Match: Queers & Co. vs Ghostbusters (Sem 1)
Cramps were alright for a while but not for long. Played for a mere 2 minutes (I think) before my calf muscles just seized up as I was running in the court. Ade had to come in. My calves were spasmodic. It was awful.

It didn't help that this was one of the strongest teams in the tourney. They scored a goal and we didn't get to equalise. :(

Result: 0-1 (Ghostbusters won)

5th Match: Queers & Co. vs Sem 2 Team 2
I only lasted for a minute plus for this match. :( It's very frustrating to watch from the sidelines, knowing that each one was exhausted and yet not being able to go in to substitute any of them. I felt so helpless. Stupid cramps.

As for the match itself, I have only this to say: In the futsal court, futsal is the game that should be played, NOT rugby/basketball. 'Nuff said.

Result: 1-1

6th Match: Queers & Co. vs Sem 2 Team 1
Couldn't play at all. I couldn't even walk properly. Frustration was mounting. After the demoralising game of pseudo-rugby (which we could have won if only Jackie was luckier with her shots and everyone was not too damn exhausted), we really wanted to win this. Because we knew we could. But could our bodies take it?

Well, this was what happened. Not only did they hang in there, not one, not two, but THREE goals were scored! We creamed them! Woo hoo! A perfect end to our tourney (although TR getting yellow-carded for coming out of the D to celebrate one of Jackie's goals was plain ridiculous. Geez.).

I feel incredibly proud of our team. Despite being exhausted, our will to win kept us going(or them rather, since my will could not surpass the pain in my legs) and guess what, we got 3rd placing... through sheer perseverance. 'Kaki Bangku' was second and the champion was 'Transformers.'

Remember, 4th game onwards, there was no substitution whatsoever as I was out. Jackie was exhausted. So was Karen and her migraine. SNing developed a blister in the second game. Ade doesn't even play futsal regularly. As for TR, well, she was good, as usual, but one keeper does not make the whole team! So, to get 3rd placing despite these odds is not bad. Not bad at all. In fact,

"It's disgusting!"* SPANK!*

This is my fellowship.

Signing off,
YkK aka Will*

*inspired by our current obsession with the American TV sitcom, Will & Grace.

P/S- Congrats to team Makende getting a respectable 2nd place in the guys' futsal tourney the next day. It was a close game but most importantly you guys showed how futsal should be played- with true skills. As for Remind The Gab team, next time, finish up your homework earlier so that you'll get enough sleep and not end up exhausted the next day! :P

Blogging Blues

2005-05-16T10:56:00.000+08:00

I noticed this particular trend in blogging... and it disturbs me. Well, not really disturbs me per se, but rather made me question the significance and purpose of this blog of mine.

Why do I blog in the first place?

In blogging, what do I hope to achieve?

This blog started off as something simple, ie a way to keep in touch w/ friends, but it has evolved into something much more personal than that, involving factors other than self-indulgence.

Okay, some might think that I should lighten up. After all, it's JUST blogging.

Is it?

Screw it. I'm gonna shove these thoughts aside and concentrate on the Renal Assessment on friday. After that I'll have all the time in the world to contemplate the meaning of life, this blog, claypot chicken rice, Star Wars...

Adios!

Reflections

2005-05-01T14:11:00.000+08:00

"Guess who's back
Back again."
- Eminem, Without Me

Hi everybody!! raKoon's back and boy, is it great to be blogging again! I miss talking about myself and my life on this blog, haha! My gosh, it's been more than month since the last update... many things have happened in between. Unfortunately, they are kinda out-dated now so, erm, too bad lah. Endocrine system was alright but Reproductive system was really packed. Sex is MUCH more than "Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma'am!". The consequences of sex, especially the STDs... not fun at all. And now Renal system has started, which is another crazy packed course. Hopefully I've learned to adapt to the new schedule and know how to make more time for myself and blogging.

Speaking of comebacks, I'm not the only one who's making a return. Anybody watched the San Marino GP in Imola last weekend? Omigosh, it was one heck of a fantastic race. For those who don't know the significance of that race, this is it: Schumi and Ferrari are back. And wow, amidst the whole stress of studying for the Repro test, the race was definitely something that truly lifted my spirits.

Actually, when the new season started, I wasn't too keen on the new rules. No tyre changing at all? I didn't like that rule because it means that the drivers weren't going all out to race and challenge for racing positions- they have to consider conserving their tyres. And Bridgestone (tyre manufacturer for Ferrari) was not up to par as compared to Michelin. It was very disheartening to watch Ferrari underperform. Another rule change that I didn't like was changing the 2nd qualifying session from Saturday afternoon to Sunday morning. I prefer to know who's on pole the day before so that there'll be adequate time for the excitement and speculation to build up. But I guess it has its pros. I mean, the teams would really have to be on their toes and use think quickly about the best strategy possible to use for the race just only HOURS later, and that I like. :)

But the San Marino GP was just awesome. It was the first time in a while since I really got excited watching a race. Kimi was on pole position, and things looked so promising in the beginning but nooo, his car just had to suffer from mechanical failure. What a terrible shame. McLaren must buck up and sort out their reliability issues because it is unfair towards Kimi. Tough luck.

But Schumi and his F2005 car was simply... awesome! Marvellous! Breathtaking! His performance was just astonishing, yet not astonishing at the same time, because it was quality Michael Schumacher performance that you would expect. He delivered it totally. He brought it on, y'all. Too bad about the mistake he made during qualifying which costed him his grid position. He climbed from 13th place to second. The car was in a class of its own- 2 seconds faster than every other car on the track.

I was on the edge of my seat towards the end of the race when he was catching up with Button and Alonso. When Button made a mistake encountering the backmarkers, Schumi just swooped in and overtook him and he was charging all the way. I was squealing, urging loudly to the television screen, shouting encouragements to Schumi (even though I know he won't be able to hear me) during the last few laps when he was less than a second away from Alonso's car- I couldn't stop myself, it was just too exciting! Oh my, he was so close to winning the race that afternoon. So, so close.

Props to Alonso for holding his nerve when it truly mattered. It's not easy maintaing focus and composure while being under tremendous pressure from a driver as experienced as Schumi. Schumi tried every trick in the book to get Alonso to make a mistake but no such luck. Schumi did not win, but it was a fantastic race which I enjoyed thoroughly.

One thing about Alonso though, is that I wish he would be more gracious about his win. This race was a hat-trick for him this season so far, but I noticed that he only mentioned the team in two lines. Whereas Schumi, he was really thanking the team and you could see that he's truly sincere and recognising the team's efforts, because hey, it's a really a team sport. Without the engineers, he won't be able to drive a competitive car. And it's not just for this GP. He ALWAYS thanks his team for every race that he won and that's one of the many qualities I admire about him. Maybe Alonso is still young and a bit fresh and arrogant. But I noticed that Button has also taken a page out of Schumi's book, acknowledging BAR's efforts everytime he got onto the podium, since last year, and that's great.

Michael Schumacher. What a remarkable character. I totally respect this man. He drove with much passion, determination, will, power and aggression... I was reminded of the reasons why he is my favourite F1 driver and an important role model in my life... and I've fallen in love with him all over again. Sighs. :P

Alonso may have rained on Schumi's and Ferrari's parade on their homeground... well, I'm looking forward to see Schumi ruin Alonso's homecoming party in Barcelona this upcoming weekend. Because based on the demonstrated superiority of the F2005, it could only mean one thing: it's time to win again. ;)

***
"Cuz it's my night
No stress, no fights
I'm leavin it all behind."
- Mariah Carey, It's Like That

And that was my motto of the night of the IMU Ball 2005. And the stress before it was pretty high, I'd say. Shopping is supposed to be fun but when you're shopping under the pressure of time constraints and a not-too-big budget, stress is the word of the day(s). Getting the perfect dress, shoes, accesories, all for the sake of looking good for that night is not easy. And then there's the Endocrine test, a mere week before the Ball. It was difficult trying to contain my excitement about the Ball and to focus on studying simultaneously (but thank God things worked out well for me in the end- I did good for Endo. :D).

My conclusion of the Ball? It was perfect. I went with a mission to have a jolly good time and creating memories with my dear friends, and it was a mission accomplished. All the stress and effort were worth it cos we all looked so damn good that night! (kekeke, talk about being perasan to the max. :P) It was fun taking gorgeous pictures together, giggling, laughing, goofing off... just having a great time. The food was better than expected so no complaints in that department!

As for the Post-Ball party, it was exactly how I imagined it to be. Heheh. Heheheh. I came, I partied, and I conked out. :P I dunno about the others but I really enjoyed myself there. It was really fun and liberating to just dance my heart out and not having to worry about perverts cos we're all friends out to have a party. Many crazy, funny things took place. But of course, whatever happened in Room 1226, stays in Room 1226. If you weren't part of the party but you wanna know what happened, too bad. Even the Roomie doesn't get an exclusive. :P

3 Sekawan

Housemates!

Table 12

IMU Ball 2005 - definitely a night to remember. :)
***

"All I wanna do is rock."
- Travis, All I Wanna Do Is Rock

Rock music is invigorating. Rock music is cool. Rock makes you wanna break free and express your individuality. Rock is liberation.

But how much do you really know about rock music? Did you know that rock is actually an evolution of jazz music?

But hey, even if you're not interested in the history of rock music, maybe you might be interested in just rocking out for 2 hours, aways from the stress of lectures and life?

Then come for the...

ROCK MUSIC APPRECIATION WORKSHOP
on 10 May (Tues) at 6.30pm
Seminar Room 3
Entrance fee: only RM1
Brought to you by IMU Choir Club

For only RM1, you not only get to enjoy great music, there's also refreshments served, ie apple pies, so RM1 is a pretty darn good deal! Do come!

Hehehe... I couldn't resist a promo on my blog. This IS my pet project after all, for the Choir Club. The speakers I've invited to come and conduct the workshop are friends of mine whom I know personally, and believe me, they really know their stuff. Shannon Teoh and Jeremy Mahadevan write for NST and are music journalists of some sort so you're not just getting some obssessed rock fans to talk about the music- they have reliable credentials to their name.

So... please come and support this workshop, this baby project of mine. Pweaaase... I promise it would be good. ;)
***
"You live, you learn."
- Alanis Morissette, You Learn

The past few months, since December until today, have been pretty educational for me. I have learned so much from life. I learned who I was, who I am, who I am not and who I want to be. I still am. Still growing. Plenty of room to learn more. And I have learned to deal with changes and uncertainties where I was left grappling in the dark, trying hard to gain a foothold on any semblance of stability and trying to make sense out of things when they don't.

But the most important lesson I have learned is this: With hope, faith, love, and charity... one can never go wrong in life.

God is great and life is good. :)

Until the next posting, adieu.

Deodorant Overload

2005-03-20T11:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, the girls and I went to play at the 3R-Rexona All-Women Futsal Tournament at Sports Planet Sunway. Who were the girls? The Roommate (TR) as the Goalkeeper, Shuj, SNing, Prem aka The Rock ;), Sal from Sem 5, Sunila the Gila Striker from Sem 5 and cute lil Diana, our international player from Nigeria who's in Sem 1. And of course, yours truly. Capt'n KLin couldn't play because she had a dental appointment in the morning (bah!) and Foxxy Naddy didn't take part because she had something on later that day. Plus she didn't wanna injure herself. Smart girl. :P The other regulars can't make it because of some reason or another. Our manager was none other than our coachie, Bruce, although Foxxy insists that she is the 'manager' too.

It was a last minute decision to enter because no one was really into it. Most of us were okay about entering but no one actually did anything. I was compelled to enter us when I read about it in the papers a day before the last of registration. The tournament was for charity, and not just any charity organisations but those which promote women empowerment and AIDS awareness - WAO (Women's Action Organisation), AWAM (can't remember what it stands for but it's a women's org too) and MAC (Malaysian AIDS Council). Since we would be free on Saturday, and the club has money to spend, and the money's going to all these charities, heck, why not?!!? It would also be a good exposure to us.

After the humiliating defeats we suffered in the Pharmaton tourney last year, we were quite apprehensive about this. After all, it was a paying, open tournament. Most of the teams would be really good, ie professional standard. We expected to be thrashed again. Which was why I kept telling everyone this: "Self preservation is our motto! The Ball is in 3 weeks' time!!" There will be many she-males around who have no qualms of injuring anyone and we must take precautions.

Fortunately though, things didn't turn out as bad as expected. In fact, it was really fun!

We won 2 matches, drew 2 matches and lost 2 matches.

We beat Help Institute (as predicted during the group drawing, kekeke) and Pancit Utd (what a name) 3-1.

We drew with Crony FC (0-0) and Ca Ca Marba (1-1).

We lost to Jujubabes B and Wildcats II 2-0. These two teams were the top 2 in our group who proceeded to the next round. They were really good. I'm glad that they beat us at just 2-0 and not more (they scored more goals with other teams and drew with each other).

Notice that the goal differences are always 2. We beat others with 2 goals, we get beaten by 2 as well.

We could have actually won the matches that we drew at, but I guess we weren't so lucky. BUT we were lucky enough to be in an okay group, away from the scary girls of Blades FC who thrashed us 12-0 last time and did the same thing to the teams unfortunate enough to be in the same group yesterday. :D

Overall placing in the group: 4 th out of 7 teams. Not bad leh?

Goalie was worrying for nothing before the day cos she made many brilliant saves yesterday. Prem, as usual, was in her great defending element. She even scored a spectacular goal and almost scored another! Sunila, being a Gila Striker, was of course, good. We all played well yesterday with great teamwork going on. But most importantly, we were quite cheerful and in high spirits and had lots of fun!

Looking forward to entering another futsal competition together. :)

Special thanks to Small Siao and Hiong Chin (this fella provided the 'entertainment' of the day. Haih. :P) for being willing to drive the team early in the morning to Sports Planet and staying to support us (or rather, to check out the gals). Also many thanks to the supporters who came: CK, Naddy 'the Manager', JHoong, Capt'n KLin, Ken J, Faiz, Rassam, Rizal, Azri, Collin, Rizal and Sal's parents. Xie xie ni men!!

BTW, for those wondering about the title of this post, our lone goody bag consists of A LOT of Rexona deodorant sample bottles. Ta daa!

Sundays with Michael & Co.

2005-03-06T13:34:00.000+08:00

Sundays have different significance to different people. For my Christian friends, it is the day to go to church to praise and worship God in His house. For my working friends, it signals the last day of relax and enjoyment before another long week at work. For my parents, well, not much of a difference 'cos they practically lepak everyday (dad's retired, mum's a housewife). Except maybe to check the nombor ekor to see if we have become millionaires overnight.

As for me, Sunday has no religious significance to me but there is something that keeps me glued to the television for 2 hours almost every fortnight religiously. It involves 20 fast cars, speeding round and round a race track more than 50 times.

Formula 1, 2005 season has officially begun. And I am happy. I've missed my ~~boys~~ men. Now my Sundays have meaning again. :)

My favourite boys are back!

(L-R: TOP-Michael Schumacher, Ferrari; MIDDLE- Jenson Button, BAR Honda; Fernando Alonso, Renault; BOTTOM-Kimi Raikkonen, McLaren-Mercedes)

P/S- Fisichella just won the Australian GP. It was a Renault 1-3 finish. Barrichello was in 2nd place. My Schumi didn't even finish the race. It's going to be an interesting season, indeed. ;)

Claire The Loon

2005-03-03T22:54:00.001+08:00

It's funny how music could invoke emotions buried deep within ourselves. How certain words and/or a simple melody could just lift your spirits... or make you weep like a baby. But when a person is a feeling down, and has dark clouds swirling about in his/her, it's almost magical how a beautifully arranged musical notes could help cast some light in that darkness.
Ever heard of Debussy's Claire de Lune? I'm no classical music connoisseur, but this is quite a famous piece that's always included in classical music compilations. :P Anyway, I was thinking through some stuff the other night, and I was feeling pretty melancholic. And slowly getting depressed. Teetering on the edge bitterness. And suddenly this hauntingly simple, sweet melody popped into my head, mysteriously triggered. I heard it clearly as though someone was playing it on the piano next to where I was.
I've heard it many times before and I've always liked it. It was... nice. But that particular night, while I was remembering the melody, I was moved by how beautiful it was. I could almost see the clear moon, with its reflection on the calm surface of a lake, in the dark night sky. It was also a reflection of calmness and peace.
All this time I had listened to it, I guess I never listened properly. Or perhaps it just was not the right time.
And I realised that life ain't so bad after all.

I Dreamt Of Paris

2005-02-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

I had a lovely dream a few nights ago. I dreamt that I was in Paris. It was... spring, I think. I was dreaming in Technicolour. :P The colours were bright and vivid, and the Eiffel Tower looked gorgeous. I was wearing this trendy outfit, with the prettiest coat, something I know I could never afford (well, not now anyway).

It was weird 'cos the premise of the dream was that I was there on a... school trip. My A-Level mates were there. There was this cute French dude who was flirting with Nadia (I won't be surprised if it happens in real life ;P).

But the most important part of the dream (so important that I just HAD to blog about it) was I felt very happy. I spent my time walking around Paris with a special person... and that's it. Just walking. But it felt so good.

I haven't experienced such intense happiness for quite a while already. Too bad I was just dreaming.

No wonder depressed people sleep a lot.

"It doesn't do to dwell in dreams and to forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Pain Management

2005-02-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

First, it was Vioxx by Merck. Now, it's also the wonderdrug which has allowed me to play in IMU Cup 2004's Futsal matches... Celebrex by Pfizer. Sigh. Apparently these painkillers increase the risk of stroke and heart disease and have been banned (sort of). Heart disease or not, at least they help take away the pain...

Valentine's Day came and went. It was good with a twist at the end of the day which could rival M Night Shyamalan's Sixth Sense.

Love hurts. But love heals too. Pain exists for a reason. Because it is proof that we are able to feel. Unlike those unfortunate people suffering from leprosy. And it is from pain that we are able to learn to not touch hot kettles and avoid other painful stuff. But the pain must first be experienced.

It has been an educational week. But not without any fun!

Anybody wanna have a ride on a 'tramp'? It's pretty cheap. Only RM2, and anyone can ride on 'her'. Males, females, young and old, all can have a go and simultaneously too! Just go to Bukit Melawati in Kuala Selangor... and look out for the red 'tramp'. What a 'whore'! :P

That's what happens when a tram is written as a 'tramp.' You get cheesy jokes from bloggers like myself. Sigh. I wonder what those ang moh tourists think when they read the sign.

"Life is a rollercoaster, you just gotta ride it." - Ronan Keating, Life Is A Rollercoaster

You know, those dips in a rollercoaster ride? If you are terrified and you grip your seat very tightly, those dips are complete hell. But if you let go and allow yourself to feel the thrill, the rush is incredible.

It's time for me to let go.

I Just Wanna Fly

2005-02-13T14:24:00.000+08:00

Put your arms around me, baby
Put your arms around me, baby *

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying.

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.

The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.

The first part is easy.

All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.

That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.

Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.

Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties."

- Douglas Adams, Life, The Universe and Everything

My favourite ride in Genting Theme Park is that spinning top thingy. It goes round and round with swings attached to its edge at high speed. At the initial lift off, it was a bit dizzying, but that gave way to a rush of endorphins. It feels great to be high up in the air at high speed. There was a feeling of weightlessness and for that 2 minutes, my so-called worries were left behind with gravity. With the cold air streaming through my face (which had a goofy grin plastered on it), I wished the ride would last longer.

I also went parasailing once and the experience was awesome. Getting the bird's eye view on the sea and the islands was breathtaking. This one felt more like flying as I was truly high up in the sky. Would love to do it again.

There isn't much opportunity to go 'flying' in any way in a housing area, though.

Maybe I should procure some weed. Heheh. Heheheh. Shi Ching!!! Some help here, please!

:P

But getting high is never a solution.

*Fly by Sugar Ray feat. Supercat

Same Old Brand New Blog

2005-02-11T01:17:00.000+08:00

And here is the new look unveiled... Fliegender Zirkus version 3.0!! Finally done, after many headaches and naps later. Actually it wasn't too difficult. It turns out that it wasn't really much of a problem of not understanding HTML per se, but rather I didn't really understand the CSS nonsense. So I decided to search for an online tutorial, and voila!, this brand new look was achieved in 2 just hours. If only I had thought of that earlier. Hmmph. Oh well. At least this new look coincides with Chinese New Year. ;)

It's very pink, isn't it? The reason I decided to change the template was because I wanted it to be personalised, not generic. I realised that even though I write crap on this blog, well, they're personal crap. The new look does not completely represent me, though. I mean, it's so PINK, and sweet, and girly... and I have been told that I could be quite a ganas chick sometimes. :P But I like it.

Anyway, many, many thanks to Stylus for lending me the indispensable book, HTML for Dummies. Without it, I wouldn't have understood ANYTHING about html. Thanks! :D And also to 'Dave', the creator of this easy to comprehend online html tutorial website .

***

CNY was... quiet. Didn't balik kampung this year, so it's just a celebration with the nuclear family. I always complain about Kelantan to my parents, about how hot, dusty and boring it is there. But I guess I don't really dislike that place. 'Cos I actually miss it now. Especially the people there ie my relatives. And the food, of course. First day would always be spent at big aunt's house. Menu of the day: Nasi dagang. Yummy. 2nd day would be at small aunt's house. Menu of the day: Nasi minyak. Yummy. And oh, the desserts of Kelantan and Golok! So cheap yet so delicious!

I miss the good ol' days when my maternal grandfather was still alive. CNY was one heck of a party! Things have changed since then. That's life, I guess. Time ticks on, kids like myself 'age', and one day (in the far, far future) I'll have new traditions to create and share with my own family. But til then... life just goes on.

Shit, why the heck do I sound so bloody melancholic? It's CNY, for goodness sake! Sigh. An emo chick, I am. It HAS been good, although atypical. Definitely gonna make next year's one to remember. It'll be the last one before I leave the country (if God is willing).

Well, enjoy all 15 days of CNY celebration! Eat lots of mandarin oranges... no constipation guaranteed! :P

The Hols So Far... A Review

2005-02-08T22:17:00.000+08:00

Well, because I felt like blogging, but I have no idea of what to blog about, I thought maybe I'd write a summary of highlights of the holidays so far... beginning from the day OSCE ended on that Thursday afternoon til today. After all, this week will be the last of complete nothingness and lazing about (sort of). Electives are starting next week and I'm quite excited about my internship at Cleo Magazine! I just hope it doesn't involve making coffee. Or any drinks, for that matter. I'm pretty bad at that.

Watched...
- The Phantom of The Opera. Loved it.
- a play called Hannah and Hanna. Enjoyed it immensely.
- Bridget Jones:The Edge of Reason... twice. Still loving it. Wouldn't mind a 3rd viewing, actually. The lead actors are so British and yummy. Mmmm. :)
- Vanity Fair. Brilliant acting by Reese Witherspoon. Lovely costumes. Just loved the way they spoke English back then. A good movie.
- Saw. A different, cheapo and less thrilling version of the movie Se7en, but still entertaining, nevertheless.
- Racing Stripes. With this movie, anyone could become a psychic... because everything about it was so bloody predictable! The fact that I thought it was an animated movie when it wasn't (well, it looks animated from its promo posters!) made me feel more cheated. The zebra was so moody and annoying that you'd wanna pack him up and send him to poachers just to get rid of him. The only funny, entertaining feature of the movie was 2 talking flies. The flies were animated, by the way.
- National Treasure. The riddles and clues and trivia about the history of the United States of America were interesting. The rest, to put it succinctly, was POYO.
- and loadsa other nice movies on Astro and vcd. Oh how I missed movie-watching!

Went to...
- Paya Indah Wetlands. Located somewhere on the way to KLIA. Quite isolated but that's the way eco-touristy places are. I didn't expect to enjoy myself very much as I would be subjecting myself to direct sunlight for prolonged time, considering my 'allergy' to heat. But funnily enough, I did. I haven't cycled for a while, so I enjoyed that. And the scenery was gorgeous! The sky was so blue, the clouds were white and puffy, the foliage was beautifully green... somehow all colours were at their best hues. I almost spanked myself for not having bought a digicam already to capture those panoramic views. So many would-be beautiful shots... and one digicam with dying batteries belonging to Ad. Sayang. Saw many birds which names we do not know. I may hate jungle-trekking but this sort of nature thing ain't too bad, actually. Even though I came home with lobster arms after that. Had a close encounter with a herd of cows and got almost gored by a raging bull. Except that the bull wasn't in rage. In fact, it stood quite still. I think they were more afraid of us, than us them. They were in the defensive formation. I think our loud voices scared them. Probably not just them, but any animal within one mile radius as we were talking and laughing quite loudly. Still, with animals, you never know. The bull might have rabies and suddenly go cuckoo and charge at us. I wasn't going to take chances with his huge, incredibly sharp-looking horns. But we decided to cycle past them anyway after reassurances from my half-blind friend who didn't notice the malevolent horns until it was too late. Thank goodness nothing happened 'cos as I said earlier... you never know. But I'd love to go cycling there again! ;) This time, with a digicam (with fully charged batteries).

- Genting Theme Park on a spontaneous (well, almost) day trip and having fun and actually remembering it. The last time I went to Genting was when I was 3 or 4 years old and I know this for a fact because of photographic evidence. Thanks for suggesting the trip, Naddy! :)

- the park near the school to fly my kite for the first time since it was bought. (It's not really MY kite completely. There's a joint ownership going on here, actually.) A word of caution to amateur kite-fliers like myself: Do not attempt to fly the kite alone on your first attempt as you will only succeed in raising your blood pressure and not the kite. Unless you are at the beach. The wind was a bitch, appearing then suddenly disappearing, then appearing again for a short while to give us false hopes. Apparently a kite could also become a health hazard. Soundbite of the evening: "Aaaaaaarrrggghh!" which was let out by a group of health-conscious girls when the pink, mini pterodactyl lookalike with a big, genial smile suddenly swooped down on them, one of its various dives of that evening. Oh well. I shall try again when school restarts. A word of thanks to Raj for accompanying me to "go fly kite!" ;)

Miscellaneous
- Found out that...
~ having lunch is one great way to get to know a person better.
~ a car is a good place to have conversations. Or the LRT, for that matter.
~ brown eyeshadow makes me look like a victim of domestic violence.
~ lying on the bed ala sotong and chatting the night away is one the most fun and least energy consuming activities to do.
~ friends who could accept myself, quirks and all, and put up with them are true gems indeed.
~ it's great to reconnect with an old friend from the past, even if for only a short while.
~ to truly let go of something and wait to see if it would really come back one day is easier said than done.

- Slept in a shopping complex for 40 mins, completely oblivious to the loud, blaring music accompanying Chinese acrobats on stage as well as applause from the spectators. (Some 'light sleeper' I am, huh, Naddy? ;P) I still can't believe I did that. I must have been really pooped then.

- Had someone implied that I might be a hermaphrodite. (!?!?!?!?!?) Let me assure you, that I am a full-fledged WOMAN, thankyouverymuch.

- Fought off a dumbass on motorcycle who was harassing me on the street. If you see a skinny dude on a motosikal kapchai with the license plate BEE 452, run him down for me, will ya? I would if I could but I can't 'cos I don't drive.

- Lost 1.5 kg of body weight. Amazing or what? I guess the eat-sleep lifestyle suits me well... :P

Things I want to do during the hols but didn't get to yet:
- Play more futsal. Unfortunately, there has been a lack of WO-manpower.
- Karaoke session. I still wanna sing Everlasting Love with cheesy disco music accompaniment!
- Go on a trip away from home. To anywhere. A few days would do. I don't mind.
- Finish my cross-stitch project... which started during LAST YEAR'S semester break.

Conclusion of the hols so far: Pretty satisfying. :)

Hope yours are, too, peeps! Gong Xi Fa Cai! :D

The Opposite of Female

2005-01-28T23:30:00.000+08:00

Last night, I plopped on the couch in front of the tv and watched 2 highly entertaining movies back to back. The first was About A Boy starring Hugh Grant... he's an adorable man. I've always liked him ever since Four Weddings and A Funeral which still ranks high among my favourite romantic comedies of all time. Next was Scent of A Woman starring Al Pacino and Chris O'Donnell. How could I say no to that combo? The brilliant acting by Mr Godfather himself, and the fresh-faced Chris O'Donnell... I've watched this before, actually, and it's one of those movies that deserves repeated watching. The scene at the end when Al Pacino made a passionate speech about integrity was inspiring, to say the least. Great script, too.

Both movie premises revolved around male bonding, though different kinds. In About A Boy, Hugh Grant's character learned more about himself from his friendship with a 10-year-old boy, whereas in Scent of A Woman, Chris O'Donnell's character learned a lot about life from a weekend spent with a blind retired army personnel (Al Pacino). Being a girl, it was very interesting watching these movies, besides the actors themselves, of course... :P

Males. They are a very interesting species. I admire them for certain qualities they possess that females do not... but sometimes I just feel like smacking them! To say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus could be quite an understatement, sometimes. I truly wonder what goes on in the male psyche...

... I'll bet you guys out there wonder the same about us girls too, huh? But funnily enough, though our differences could be the source of frustrations and misunderstandings between the two human sub-species, it is our differences also that make life fun and fascinating.

Males- can't live without 'em, so might as well try getting along with 'em. ;)

Being Illiterate

2005-01-23T21:40:00.000+08:00

Blog redesigning progress: Nil

I have been crawling from one random blog to another, viewing sources, trying to make head or tail out of this foreign language. But to no avail. I ended up with a headache instead.

Html, schtml. Bah!

I think there should be a 'HTML for Dummies' book in the shops. But the Dummies range are pretty expensive. And the school, being a MEDICAL school, naturally, has only medical textbooks in its library.

SIGH.

Patience is the key. OHM... :P

Bizarrely Dreadful

2005-01-21T08:55:00.000+08:00

That was an adjective used to describe a horrendous audition on American Idol 4, dished out by the one and only, Simon Cowell (he rocks!!!). Another term used was 'excruciatingly awful.' I love watching American Idol. It's been a while since Fantasia Barrino won the 2004 title... I remember that I would try to watch every episode. And it's also thanks to American Idol that a great talent like Clay Aiken was discovered... :P Somehow Malaysian Idol doesn't really do it for me. I mean, Jaclyn Victor was good, and I did vote for her in the Finals, but it wasn't as exciting for me. Probably because the other singers were mediocre. Especially Andrew. He was one heck of a kayu performer. And no one can compare to Simon Cowell. Paul Moss doesn't even come close.

But as medical students (and in the future, doctors), I know we'll receive far worse insults from our future clinical school lecturers and senior doctors. They may not be as witty or macho as Mr Cowell, but their words would definitely cut deeper. I've heard some horror stories from my brother, of how this particular doctor was mentally abused by the senior doctor and suffered from a nervous breakdown. He underwent therapy for a year... after that, he was particularly racist towards that particular senior doctor's race. All that hate... I feel sorry for him. He didn't ask to be conditioned that way.

Another houseman I talked to was really keen to specialise in Obs and Gyn. But her interest vapored off when... the same old story-lah... the senior doctor treated her really badly, to the extent of putting the blame on her when a newborn died when the senior doctor was also to blame.

I don't want to be affected that way. An awesome lecturer once gave me this great advice: "Never allow yourself to be emotionally antagonised by the examiner (or lecturer or senior doctor)" because such fire would inevitably come. There will always be constantly PMS-ing doctors. And there are the perfectionist doctors. In the end, it's all for the greater good of the patients. So it's very important to keep your cool and your head together after getting burned and recover quickly. He told me that AFTER he made me cry. Funny man. :)

Hmm. This post suddenly took on a serious tone. I actually started out wanting to make fun of the 'deaf' people who went auditioning for American Idol. Interesting.

On a lighter note, the living room tv is now okay... all by itself! Maybe it was just PMS-ing... or feeling a bit 'off-colour', haha!

Ciao.

Straight Eye For The Queer Blog

2005-01-18T01:59:00.000+08:00

This blog needs a major makeover. Problem is, me no speaking HTML language. Nevermind. I have plenty of time to learn it.

Honestly... this look has got to go. It's soo... 2004. :P

Shades of Green and Purple

2005-01-18T01:01:00.000+08:00

That is exactly how the living room tv screen looks right now. With the exception of the middle 1/9th of the screen. One (or more) of the colour tubes in the tv must have busted. So the person appearing right in the middle of the tv screen looks normal... surrounded by purple aliens from Star Trek. Watching MTV is much cooler, though. The music videos now have an artistic, psychedelic look. :P

Somehow the combination of green and purple reminds me of Barney the Purple Dinosaur. I hate Barney. He's so un-cute and totally overrated. Why watch Barney when there's Sesame Street?

Why am I wasting my time writing about a fake dinosaur that I do not like? Weird.

Anyway, life has been good so far. I finally stopped being anal about my results, for starters. :P It IS good after all. (Thanks for the comforting words, peeps!) Kicking ball, rollercoaster rides, good play and movies, just listening to a CD and NOT studying simultaneously... things have slowed down big time. And I like that.

'Then' (1 month ago) in italics. 'Now' in regular font.

0700
Rise and shine! I can't sleep anymore... That's a beautiful sunrise. Do I want nasi lemak for lunch today? If yes, then I should go down to buy soon... maybe I can have some karipap for breakfast. Which notes should I study today?...

Zzzzzzz....

0900
Ooh, Sesame Street is on now! *switches on to TV3 and proceeds to be amused*

Zzzzzzz....

1100
Aiyah, hungry lah... why didn't I go buy nasi lemak just now? Oh yeah. I got sick of it. Is San San buying food from The Rooftop later? Has she left? "San Saannn!! What are you eating for lunch later?" Nevermind. Finish this lecture note first. Eat at 1200.

Hmm... I wonder what's on tv today. Hahah... that's funny! I just love the comics section... tralala. Shit, did Michael Jackson really do those things to that boy? Sicko Jacko.

1200
Gobble, gobble, gobble.

Gobble, gobble, gobble.

1500
Zzzzzzz....

Zzzzzzz.... (sometimes)

1700
Why am I reading so slowly? Focus, YK, FOCUSSS!!! This is, what, just the 4th lecture note you've covered for the day. Slow-nye... SIGH. I need a break. *proceeds to eat tau fu fah*

Ooh, the Filipino soap is on now!

1900
Gobble, gobble, gobble. Yak, yak, yak with housemates.

Gobble, gobble, gobble. More tv. Hehe.

2100
Okay, let's try to finish these lecture notes by 12am.

Any chill out activity-- tv, music, writing, reading (fiction, mind you. Thanks for the Hitchhiker's Guide omnibus, Raj!).

2300
Screw these lecture notes. I'll continue tomorrow. It's not like they're going into my head anyway. I'm too sleepy. Zzzzzz....

Chill out activity continues. Until I'm sleepy. Which is much later than 2300. ;)

This is the life, man. I shouldn't slack too much though... wouldn't want my brain to suddenly become alien to studying due to lack of use. That would be disastrous. The horrors! (once a nerd, always a nerd.. that's me. :P)

But later-lah. Now I shall enjoy every bit of my hols and do as much non-medical things as possible so that I won't look back and experience regret once I graduate as a doctor. Experiencing life in shades of green and purple... whatever that means. I'm just trying to sound deep but I obviously don't. :P

Toodles!